Happy New Year 2008 Jinggez!

Where in the hell did 2007 go? Jokes aside, the term 'time flies' rings oh so true. It feels like yesterday, we were all worried about the Millennium bug, and now, that was 7 years ago. My brief review of 2007? Well 2007 went slightly better that 2006 and 2005 combined, ever so slightly mind you. All I can hope for is an upward trend in fortune and prosperity. What did 2007 teach me? Recent months have proven that there really is no such thing as freedom of speech. I really can't write recklously and expect no consequences. Tolerance, self restraint and a little more thought should always be at the forefront, so to speak. Well at the very least this is true where blogging is concerned anyway.

As I sit here trying to recall the events of 2007, my mind comes to a blank. I struggle to find someting worth mentioning here. Maybe its because events of 2007 were forgettable or not significant enough to remember? Maybe its because I'm getting old and my brain has to select what it chooses to store? Only god knows, and he ain't telling us! These days, I find myself thinking of the past less and less. A character trait I thought I would never lose. Don't get me wrong, sure, I reminisce about the days when I had 4 chicks in my car, cruising down Telawi Street. I miss the days of ripping my bike at insane speeds without a care in the world. And if Doc Brown comes running up to me saying I need to go back with him to 1990, I'd go in a heart beat! But alas, that ain't ever gonna happen.

I guess what I'm saying is, as I get older, I realize more that what has passed has passed and all we have is tomorrow. And so, with that I say, bring on 2008. As always, I leave you with these sets of lovely, heaving, round, wondrous, boobs to usher in the New Year. Cheers.

Job Opening

I didn't realize you could apply for such a position but there it is... Ass Manager. So if you think you have a grip on your own ass, then you can apply. Also if you have an Agriculture background and are familiar with breeding Dongkeys, this might be the ideal position for you.

Heh. I think it should read, 'Vacant position.... mine, because I'll be fired soon for approving this banner'.

The most sadistic digusting video on the net

As part of my new light and breezy blogging, I want to share with you my experience of watching the most rabid, rancid, lude, crude, nasty and disturbing 1 minute clip ever. My friend Sham came over one night to my house, told me about it and said he'd like to video tape my reaction as I watch this clip. He says my reaction will be the best part! That really sparked my curiousity. Me being one who doesn't shy away from a proposal so enticing as this, of course said 'yes'. Boy was that the worse idea ever. Thanks Sham...

Anyhow, to cover my ass, I give this disclaimer, DO NOT WATCH THIS AND CALL ME A SICK PERVERT. You are the one that is moving the mouse. I just put this link. You don't have to click it. You click it because you are just as curious as I was. So DONT BLAME ME for any emotional distress it may cause. Blaming me or being angry at me would be like taking your kids to an R-Rated movie and then being shocked at the nudity, violence and swearing. Then writing to Steven Spielberg about how disappointed you are that he made R-rated E.T movie where E.T rapes a dog. So please. Spare me.

The site link is http://www.2girls1cup.com/

Click this link if you want to completely destroy whatever innocense you had left in your soul. For those not brave or curious enough, just take my word for it, its bad. Very very bad. So bad in fact, that people have been video recording their reactions on YouTube. This has become quite the internet fad for the moment. Of course, I've uploaded some reactions I've recorded including mine. But I won't share that link here unless you ask me yourself and you've seen the clip. If you have a slow connection, I recommend that you press the pause button and allow the clip to load 100% first for the full effect. See if you can make it the full minute.

You have been warned. But then again life is short, go on... click it... you know you want to.

I got bashed.

"That is the most disgracefully bigoted blog ...
If you are so intent on being such a racist little man i suggest you remove about 75% of your "friends" who are chinese, jewish or simply not a supporter of your hateful view of people in the world. You can't have it both ways, laugh and pretend you're such a nice funny guy to everyone and its alll just a joke and then try to promote these kind of opinions. It actually remind me so much of the whole one nation "go back to you's own country" crap that you despised so much in Australia. Such small, bitter thinking from someone who I know to be intelligent...I think that makes it so much worse. Malaysia is crumbling because of the racial arrogance of people like you on all sides."

This was the message written to me from a dear friend, (maybe former friend now), clearly written in anger with regards to my previous post 'Blind Racism'. It is the reason I have decided to deleted it.

I sincerely apologize to her and her family. Not to mention all my other readers that found offense. I wrote the entry in anger at the time. And as I read it in retrospect, I was very harsh and unwarranted. While I was trying to be funny about it, I will admit that there was an element of hate. Hate towards two individuals. I have not considered my readers that may not share my views. Arrogant and ignorant, I can be. A character flaw for sure. Once again I say sorry.

Sometimes I think no one reads my blog, so I say "fuck it, I'll just write something just to get a 'rise' out of people". I don't like being perceived as a racist and a bigot. I certainly don't set out to be one. I guess what I've learned is racism is racism no matter how its worded.

For those who know me, you know I'm always just trying to be funny and no i'll intent has ever been my goal. The problem with the written word is that you can't hear the tone of voice, or see facial expressions from the opinion giver. Today, I think I've lost a dear friend and I dont blame her. I do however thank her for kicking me in the butt as I appreciate her feedback and values her opinions.

This experience has thought me a lesson. A lesson that will stay in me forever. I will leave all political and sensitive issues to those other bloggers. I'll keep mine light and breezy from now on.

Blind Racism - BLOG ENTRY DELETED

13th December 2007,

THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN DELETED BY ME.......................



I sincerely apologize to all that may have been offended with what I've said in this entry.

Aren't exams suppose to test people?

This yet another email I received about how Malaysia is shooting itself in the foot. Our people are becoming more and more incompetent as the years go by. To some degree, things like this are not helping.
Just to note that the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia or STPM is Malaysia's equivelent to America's SAT and U.K's A Levels examinations.

Is the objective of STPM is to pass people? For the government of Malaysia, it sure seems that way.

How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the examinations of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently? When during my grandfather's time only 10% would have passed? Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective.

During my grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:

In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka?

The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the government, because this made us look stupid. So the objective of the exams was to have more people pass.

I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail? right?

So later, they found another way to ask the same question:

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:

(a) 2001
(b) 2004

(c) 1986

(d) 1975

(e) 1402

Tick the correct answer.

The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the government tried another different way a few years later.

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?

Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now.

Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a "boleh" (can do) country. The government then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:

Read the following sentence carefully.

"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402."

Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka.

60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Hooiyoh......60% managed to pass! So krever!

But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:

One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?

13% handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", and 10% wrote "Kentucky Fried Chicken", and 20% wrote "Tree bark".

The official answer was "Food" of course!

After the grading was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed.

87%............now that's pretty impressive! Yeah! 'Malaysia Boleh' indeed.

You can just imagine how the government would now boast. "So it's true. The students are indeed getting smarter."

HEH... this may be an internet joke-type email, but it I think there is some truth to it to some degree. Either way, it doesn't look good for Malaysia. If we think nothing is wrong, then nothing new is learnt. We Malaysian's go around thinking 'we are the best' or made to believe that we are, but in actuality, we suck. Having travelled to other Asian countries, currently under developed, I can see that they will all soon rise above Malaysia in every way. This is simply because their peoples have endured more failure. As a result their attitudes and resolve are far superior compare to us Malaysians. It is only through failure can we grow. Success should measured by how well be handle and recover from failure.

Thanks to Andrea Soh for forwarding this to me.

Learn Chinese for your own good

With the ever increasing population of China, and with the effects of globalization, it will be inevitable that we must all learn how to speak Chinese. To help you get a head start here are some key phrases.


Say these words out loud.

1) That's not right.................................Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?........Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP...................................Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man......................................Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse.....................................Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the Beach?...............Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table.........Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift............Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here....................Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet.....Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone..............No Pah King
12) Our meeting is next week..........Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight.....................Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile......Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive.......Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great.............................................Fa Kin Su Pah

We must not be left out.... Kiasu is the way of the Future. If WE DON'T the Chinese WILL, and then some!

Is life unfair?

I know that I'm asking for it when I ask such a rhetorical question. But seriously, why does life seem so damn unfair sometimes? Just look at this picture. This guy is on his power boat yacht surrounded by ridiculously hot, randy, happy, horny, big breasted 'Page-3' models. Oh just cruising' around the Mediterranean, having fun, not a care in the world.

Why oh why?? Damn it. What makes this guy so damn special? Why can't he, be me? What did he have to do to get to where he is? How la? How? Seeing things like this just makes me want to cry sometimes.

OK la... even IF, this guy is not some filthy russian oil billionaire, and this isn't his yacht, even IF, he is just the stupid 'clean-up boy' for the publication that rented this yacht for a photo shot, STILL, what a lucky bastard he is. Bastard. Such a silly silly lucky bastard.

Lastly, to close this entry, the fella looks like he is BORED! So unfair.

I wanna be bored like him...

FACELEBRITY - Facebook Celebrity

Why We Give Away Our Privacy on Facebook

With recent additions to Facebook such as the "Mini-Feed," our Facebook friends will always know what we're up to, whether it's attending the block party on Saturday night or tagging photographs of ourselves. These days I hear so many Facebook users complain about the lack of privacy, but then why use Facebook if it encroaches on your privacy so much? The easiest solution to these complaints is to stop using Facebook. The problem is that while many might entertain the idea, few can bear it's consequences. But why do we stay connected if we claim to hate it's invasion of our privacy?

The reason is because we actually love it. We may not realize it, but subconsciously we love it when other people invade our privacy. It is not as if we have paparazzi problems whenever we leave our houses, so we enjoy it when other people pay close attention to our lives and activities. This is a phenomenon that can be termed "facelebrity" (pronounced "fay-celebrity" or "face-elebrity").

In fact everyone who joins Facebook automatically becomes a facelebrity. Any one of your Facebook friends sees what changes you make to your profile and events in their News-Feed. Thus, like it or not, they are stalking you, gleaning more information about you than you are willing to tell them directly. I believe that we all get a sense of importance from this fact. When we make changes to our Facebook accounts, we know that people see these changes. Why exactly do we make these changes?

Let's look at one example. In your profile under "Favorites" exists a category for movies. You watch Braveheart and really enjoy it for its cinematic value. You subsequently list Braveheart under you favorite movies. Listing Braveheart on Facebook does not change the fact that you liked the movie, nor does is validate that fact. On some level you changed your movie preferences so that other people on Facebook would see; this mean that you are trying to convey something or create an image for yourself on Facebook. One might argue that you list such details about yourself to find others who share the same interests; how often do you really click on a movie to see who else shares it as a favorite?

What does this say about us? Just as when we enter a new environment or meet new people, many of us attempt to reshape our image slightly, tailoring it to make changes that we desire in ourselves. This is human nature; we constantly change and adapt to our surroundings. Facebook offers an artificial but easy method of change, in which our person can change with a few clicks, whereas in the real world, it may take real time and effort.

On Facebook we are all facelebrities, creating our personal images through our profile decisions and virtual actions. Facebook provides a certain aspect of celebrity to the common man, which is one reason that so many subscribe; it allows us to taste facelebrity.

PROUDLY I ADMIT...... I am a Facelebrity.

Philosophy of the Stock Market

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared who announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for RM10.00 .
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys in the forest, went out and started catching them. The man bought thousands at RM10.00.
As supply started to diminish and villagers started to stop their efforts, he announced that now he would buy them at RM20.00.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon, the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.
The offer rate was increased to RM25.00 and the supply of monkeys became so scarce that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at RM50.00. However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of the man. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all the monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at RM35.00 and when the man comes back, you can sell them to him for RM50.00 each."
The villagers queued up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.
After that, neither the assistant nor the businessman could be found anywhere but the monkeys were everywhere!

Coffee Anyone? Malaysia style.

Enough said...........

She is hot. But Why?

Do you find these kind woman so immensely attractive? Sadly, I do.. and admit it.. so do YOU!



Who is she? It turns out she might be internet model Jessica Kramer (NSFW link to her site here). Her hobbies include shopping, water skiing, and giving me a near painful erection. She also enjoys going to clubs, dancing, and having boobs so awesome they mock our laws of physics.

BiskutNaga's Top Ten Women That Need a Tight Slap

For weeks now, I've been reviewing my archives and have found that my recent articles are shit. I want to bring back some of the edge that seems to have been lost over the past months. Of late, my posts have been some what, well, for lack of a better word, 'gay'. I've seem to have lost the anger, the violence and the crassness in my writing. This blog has always been about the excellence of pushing the boundaries of social etiquette. I use to get excited when I write and feel the juices flow as my fingers pound away at the keyboard. All that has been lacking. So it ends now. I give you BiskutNaga's Top Ten Women That Need a Tight Slap!

These are the women that simply need a slap in the face. Preferably by a big angry Himalayan Indian with Yeti-Bigfoot blood in him. Just one big swing from his hairy-ice-crusted-skin-peeled arm, and SMACK! right across the face of these utterly irritating public women. Oh such ecstasy.

10. Calista flockhart

When I saw the first episode of Ally McBeal, I thought to myself, "hey, this is a great show, and this Ally is alright". But boy did I regret thinking that! I remember feeling my ass, being clenched the whole time. And by the end of each show, I was so anal retentive that I could not take a crap the next morning. It was a good show don't get me wrong, in fact I only watched it because the other characters were so great. But Ally, my god, I wanted to slap her. As the seasons rolled on, she got thinner and thinner, and more and more neurotic . Remember the dancing baby? Some say she was anorexic as she looked like a walking skeleton display. I had hoped she was. Then to top it all off, she let Harrison Ford, one of the all time heroes, bend her over and jump her bones. Han Solo anyone? Very sad indeed.

9. Ellen Pompeo

Ah, Ellen. Grey's Anatomy's main character. Why are there so many T.V programs that revolve around idiotic, damaged, emotionally imbalanced, chronically neurotic women? Seeing her on Grey's is like watching a midget complain that he's short! Yes you may say I'm getting all worked up about the characters she portrays. But no, I saw her on Punk'd and the hidden camera showed that she and her alter ego are one and the same, screwed up and utterly irritating. Finally, if you think she is still not slap worthy, just have a listen to how she talks. She has the most annoying lisp on T.V. "Oh Doctosss Shhheeeperd. I calls youuuss McDreamyssss". Ssssimply sssickening.

8. Britney Spears

Britney, Britney, Britney. You have lost the plot completely. When 'Opps! I did it again' was released, I was the first to download it. I loved the pure engineered Pop sound that you brought to the music world. But of late, you have truly gone mad. It started with your I'm-a-bad-girl make over and then you married that Featherline fella, then had kids, lost your mind, got drunk, got sued, got divorced and many many other idiotic Hollywood shit. And now you seem to be desperately trying to re-launch your career. If only you just calm the hell down and realise you had it all to begin with. Please take a long hard look in the mirror. And please wear undies. Its cute if you are 18 and all fresh. After the miles it has seen, shaved or not, its enough to scare the crap out of Vampires on Haloween night!


7. Avril Lavigne

In an interview with a British magazine, Avril Lavigne did what many top experts previously considered impossible, namely making herself look like an even bigger bitch than normal. These are some of her comments made in the interview.
On her polarizing personality: "People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me."
On her generosity:"I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, 'Take it to Katrina!' I also like to give stuff to people who are my 'workers,' especially if they don't make much money.". Enough said.

6. Condoleezza Rice

They say behind every great man, there's a great woman. This is so true. Just look at that monkey they call Bush. With Condol advising him or more like saying 'yes' to him, I don't know who is the bigger monkey. She is the most useless, arrogant, ignorant, cunt to have ever taken a position of power. Seriously. She is mostly there to get the Black votes. And also, maybe, someone told Bush that 'once you go black you don't go back'. I think he misunderstood. That saying only applies to women in reference to black men who genetically have big, long, horse inspired, sexual organs and because of the immense stretching that they cause the inner walls of the vagina, hence going back to a 'normal' size is not an option. You get double bonus points for slapping Bush by the way.


5. Paris Hilton

The heir to the Hilton Hotel empire. God help us all. Her reality T.V Show, 'The Simple Life' shows how truly spoiled she is. You just can't help but want to punch her in the face. What does she do to help make her more likable? Let her then boyfriend, video tape them having sex. Wonderful. Then after the video was released, she wanted a cut from the sales. Stupid or smart, I donno. Recently she was thrown in Jail for drink driving or partying nude or god knows what. Anyway she was in there for all of 2 minutes, and says the experience changed her. Changed my ass. She is still as cock ass irritating as ever. They should have accidentally locked her up in solitary confinement with our Himalayan Indian and lose the damn key.



4. Ashlee Simpson

There are some that may argue that Jessica is more of an ass than Ashlee. Perhaps. But for me after seeing her in Saturday Night Live I really lost what little opinion I had of her to begin with. On the show she was scheduled to perform two songs. Her first song, "Pieces of Me", was performed without problems. However, when she began her second song, "Autobiography", the vocals for the song "Pieces of Me" were heard again—before she had raised the microphone to her mouth. Simpson began to dance and then left the stage, while the band (not a recording) continued playing. During the closing of the show Simpson appeared with the guest host Jude Law stating that her band performed the wrong song in the opening on the performance and commenting that she thought she'd "do a hoedown" following the musical number. This is just like when Milli Vanilli's guide track skipped during a live MTV performance, revealing that they were lip-sync hing.


3. Sarah Jessica Parker

Can someone tell Sarah that 'Sex in the City' has ended? Get over it girl. You will never be that famous again. That was your 'Hay Day'. You had your 15 minutes. Its over. Please take your residuals from the re-runs and DVD sales and go sleep quietly in one corner. Do you even wonder why Matthew wants to leave your punk ass? You have neglected him enough. No wonder he wants a divorce. Stop trying to relive the old days with all this talk about a Reunion movie. The four of you are so old and dried up that having sex with any of you, in any city, will be like rubbing the tip of your manhood against dead corals in an aquarium.




2. Janice Dickinson

Just 1 minute into the opening title sequence of her T.V show 'Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency' and you want to stab out your eyes with a blunt pencil. Then you wish you had been born in another decade because her presence now makes this world utterly unbearable to live. Its no wonder Tyra Banks kicked her off 'America's Next Top Model', even Tyra had enough of her high and mighty routine. Another raving model struggling with losing her looks and desperately clinging on to whatever bits of fame she can squeeze out before the silicons in her implants sag to the ground due to the lost of elasticity of her skin.





1. Oprah Winfrey

Last but not least, yes, Oprah. The great and powerful Oprah. This woman has passed beyond the point of self gratification into a whole a other category. She is so pleased with herself that when she farts, she would willingly smell it as if it were golden fumes from heaven. Nobody notices her shows - when she has her 'serious' portion where she pretends to give a crap then quickly switches to some
insane celebrity worship segment or the totally unnecessary 'legal' form of bribery prize giveaway. Can nobody see she is just BUYING followers to join her club? And you've seen her on those 'on the road' shows.....SHE IS NOT A PLEASANT PERSON!! I bet dollar bills that if she were to run for president, she would win. Then all hell would break lose. Oprah = Evil.

Thanks to Adam for the Oprah segment. I knew you hated her so. That's why I give you the pleasure of slapping the No.1 pick. Well deserved.

Direct Selling - The Hardore way of selling

A couple of months back, a friend of mine was kind enough to give me an opportunity to see what he does for a living, Direct Selling. This is where the producer sells to the user, ultimate consumer or retailer without intervening middlemen such as wholesalers, retailers, or brokers. Direct selling offers many advantages to the customer, including lower prices and shopping from home.

But my friends company calls it 'Below the line' marketing. Yea!

Below the line means non-media advertising or promotion when no commission has been paid to the advertising agency. Includes direct mail, point of sale displays, giveaways and direct sales.

Ok enough Marketing 101 background crap. To summarize, this shit is hard. I knew that a door-to-door salesman had it bad, but I had no idea it was this bad. As my friend would spew out, 'the rewards are there'. If you are willing to put aside, for the moment, your ego and pride, you can be successful in this no doubt. You need to turn yourself into a robot, a drone, a worker or a thick-skinned dumbass of sorts.

The system is based on recruitment. The promise that one day you will have your own company. Management trainee they called it. The key here is that you need to be able to do the sales yourself before you can manage and lead people to do it for you. But before you can lead your own team, you have to be the donkey first. Recruit by example, "I succeeded like this and it works so please copy me" is one of the steps. The more people you train, the faster you get promoted into management. Sounds like a 'multilevel' thing to me but that's a forbidden word.

Without getting into specifics, there is a incentive payout throughout the ladder. How much you put in equals how much you get. Its pretty much like life I suppose. Anyhow, I was given training on all the steps needed to complete a sale. There things like, introduction, short story, pitch, turnaround etc. All laid out for you to deal with the negatives that you will face. Negatives indeed. For every 50 people you approach, 1 will say 'yes', and the others will tell you 'NO'. So its a numbers game, you need to approach many, many many people to make your target for the day. Put it this way, in my short stint, I counted, I approached over 2,000 people, managed to get say my whole sales pitch maybe 50 times, and I closed (completed a sale) 1 person. Tiring and tough? Yes.

What did I learn from this experience? I learnt that I can walk up to anyone and say 'hello'. I'm less afraid of the word 'No'. I appreciate life a little bit more. I thank god that I have other alternatives than to do this job. I learn that to be rich, you need to be the one at the top of the pyramid. I learned that to be a successful leader, you must lead by example. I learned that you can only inspire others through your own experiences. I learned the virtue of patience.

Did I succeed? Yes and No. Is this for me? No. Will I consider this again? Perhaps.

Why does my friend do it and Why do people do it? It is with the promise that if you succeed, reaching the top, you can afford your own Ferrari racing team or a hillside villa in Monacco. heh. Interested? Go right ahead.

Wentworth Miller is gay.. confirmed

To all the ladies out there that have been swooning over this heartthrob for the past 2 years.... I say you can all go and 'suck it!' Scofield is gay. Wait, let me be clear, Went Worthmiller the actor is Gay. Yes, Gay. Batty Boy. Bum Captain. Priscilla Queen of Arse. Pick a name. So for those of you that have that silly hope of accidentally bumping into him in a supermarket and having him help you pick up that fallen apple, lock eyes, fall in love and live happily ever after, FORGET IT.. that shit has about negative zero chance of ever happening. Not that you had any chance before this.

Wentworth Miller hangs out actor pal Luke McFarlane in Los Angeles on Saturday. According to spywitnesses, the pair first avoided being photographed together, but eventually walked down the street together with a smile.Wentworth, 35, and Luke, 27, started their day off together by visiting printing store Kinko’s, where the Prison Break star surfed the web. Afterwards the pair grabbed some drinks from Starbucks and headed to a small art gallery in Culver City. Finally, Went and Luke went to the In-N-Out Burger drive-thru and called it a day. McFarlane is the ex-boyfriend of Grey’s Anatomy star TR Knight (O'Malley).

At the end of the day, I knew that no one so damn good looking could possibly be straight. Don't get me wrong, his character on Prison Break is a champion. I sure would like to see him go all the way with Dr. Sara Tancredi, but in light of this new knowledge, I don't know if I can believe his portrayal of love towards her.

Judging from the pictures Miller seems to the 'receiver' i.e girl, in the relationship as was TR. And so, I just can't help but wonder if at the back of his mind, he'd rather have Lincoln Burrows's hard manhood, thrusting him up against that dark prison cell wall. Shish!

Tiger Woods by David Feherty

Having laid off golf for 1 year, I post this little story about Tiger Woods in light of my own golf revival.

Subject: TIGER WOODS

You probably don't have to be a golfer to enjoy the story below.

For the non golfers amongst you, a decent player can hit a wedge about 110yards from a good lie.

David Feherty (sports commentator) on Tiger:-

I maintain that he is a special person. There's no one else on the planet who can do what he does or even think of doing what he does. I've often thought, instead of showing Tiger's reaction to a shot he's hit, we really should show the reaction of those around him. But here is the next best thing. "I'm walking down the 18th fairway at Firestone Country Club with Ernie Els and Tiger, who has popped up a three-wood about 40 yards behind Ernie into some wet, nasty, horrible, six-inch rough," Feherty says.

Tiger's cursing and taking clumps out of Ohio with his three-wood. And, of course, we're not showing this on TV because we want to be able to interview him later. Ernie and I walk past Tiger's ball, and it is truly buried. Ernie is tied with Tiger and he's in the middle of the fairway. I'm standing with Ernie and my microphone is open. Ken Venturi [in the CBS booth] sends it to me and I say, "'Tiger's got 184 yards with two big red oaks overhanging the green. He's got absolutely nothing. With a stick of dynamite and a sand wedge I might be able to move this ball 50 yards. Steve Williams [Woods' caddie] tells me [with a hand signal] that he's using a pitching wedge".

Tiger takes his swing. Every muscle in his body is flung at the ball. It looks like he's torn his nutsack. The divot went as far as I could hit the ball. I've got my microphone at my mouth thinking, what the hell was that! The ball sails over the trees, lands behind the hole and backs up to about six feet from the flag. I open my microphone and Ernie turns to me and says, 'F***me!'

My producer comes on in my earpiece and says, 'Was that Ernie?' I say yes. He says, 'Fair enough.' "I could have described that shot for 15 minutes and not done as good a job as Ernie did with two words. This is one of the best players in the world talking, and you wanna know how good Tiger is? Ask Ernie Els."

forwarded to me by Ramlan Haron.

Asean Golf Tour is coming soon!

Top 10 Things I Miss about Adelaide

Actually this list is suppose to be a joint venture entry between The Shoddy Blog and Jinggez. I was to write 5, and Simon writes 5.. But as usual, this post has been lost in our backlog of drafts for weeks, and so I've decided to go ahead. What the hell right? Its my blog, I say and do what the hell I like. I couldn't care less if nobody reads this shit.. let alone understand what I'm on about. But for my regular readers.. eh.. of course, you guys are the best. Thank you for coming back. Anyway...

Having lived in Adelaide South Australia for 5 years from 1993-1998, I find myself occasionally reminiscing about those yesteryear's. Sparked by the recent visit by Campbell, I give you now my Top 10 Things I Miss about Adelaide. "From the home office in Wahoo Nebraska..... here we go number 10!" The late show, David Letterman.

Number 10. The North Adelaide Burger Bar

In Adelaide, about the only thing open at 2am, is the Burger Bar. Perfect for the night creatures that we were. This place was cool, there were arcade games like Daytona and House of the Dead. They served the usual burgers, kebabs and fish n chips but the highlight for me was the A.B. Short for 'Abortion'. So named because the chips, lamb bits, garlic sauce, tomato sauce and other stuff was piled into a mountain of mess that looks like the after picture of the operation. Anyway, you would shovel it with a fork and love it. Oddly enough, I've never ate a Burger from there..

Number 9. Watching The Crows at Football Park

I miss going to Football Park stadium and watching The Crows. Football being Australian Rules Footy and The Crows being Adelaide's championship winning side, by the way. Those cold benches together with a nice Cornish pastie makes for a great outing. Win or lose it would always be a great night. Thank God my friend had those season tickets.

Number 8. Alpha Video Store

The 'mega' of mega video rental outlets. I think it was an old warehouse of sorts. It had the oldest and rarest collection of lost 80s comedies for rent like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and Best of Molly Ringwald. Alpha Video had many special deals of choice, one in particular was the '7 videos for $7'. How can you go wrong? One week I'd get seven James Bond movies and watch them back to back. Another week I'd go with seven 80s/90s-Teenage-High school-Romantic-Comedies. I wonder if they are still in operation today.

Number 7. Late Night Mindless Drives and Flavoured Milk

I miss getting into a Beef's car at Midnight and driving in any direction. I mean we got to a point where slept through the day and stayed up all night. I would literally get in and he would ask "where to?", I say "North". And we would drive north for hours just for the excitement of getting lost. Which is impossible in Adelaide but we tried anyway. Before our journey we stock up on Farmer's Union Iced Coffee which is creamy and filled with caffeine. Sometimes we'd get adventurous and get the Banana flavour. Sweet!

Number 6. Cheap Great Golf

Golf was damn ass cheap. The weather was always lovely, mild 20Celsius days and sunny. Perfect for pulling a golf cart. Yeah I said pull. Those days I would walk the 18 holes. That help make it cheap. I just had to show my student card and student rate green fees, always. Top courses like MacKraken, Patawaloonga, Mount Osmond and Koyoonga were all viable options. At $20 bucks a pop, my only regret is not playing more.

Number 5. The Crazy Horse

The Crazy Horse it the only strip club in South Australia worth patronising and according to friends who have ventured to other states, they claim that 'The horse' is arguably the best in Australia. Happy naked women lap dancing and swinging on poles, what more do you need? One time, I went in at 8pm for free, and stayed till they closed at 4am. I saw every girl come on twice. By the end of the night, I had seen so many boobs that I started seeing people without their clothes on as I walked home.

Number 4. Super Chilled Out Sessions

Never since 1998 has there been better chilled out sessions. The level at which you can chill in Adelaide was unprecedented. Granted, there wasn't many things to do back then, however, when we did do things, we sure as hell made the most of it. BBQ and parties were always at the spur of the moment with little to no planning at all. I guess that was the appeal. Chilled. Easy. Oh and the sleep. My god the sleep was both restful and serene. At night, its really quiet in Adelaide so your sleep was sound. The cool night air will always be something I long for.

Number 3. Making Movies

I miss taking the Panasonic MS-1 and heading out to the hills to film some zombie death scenes. I miss looking for different ways to make corn flour look like blood and then having to figure out how best to make it spray. We use to have no script and no storyboard, just a general storyline and make the rest up as we go. I remember doing the all the pre-production crap in post, because the lecturer said it counted towards the final grade. What a bitch. Though editing was a nightmare at times and deadlines were never far enough, I loved every moment.

Number 2. Stalking Women

Now don't get me wrong, I'm no stalker. And I did this only once. But I loved it. This girl once drove me to the point of obsession. She drove me up the wall with her sexy body and constant teasing. One night my wing man and I parked outside her apartment. I knew she had lied to me over the phone about something I can't remember. Anyway, I wanted to catch her in the act. Armed with binoculars and donuts, we staked out the house. We could see right into her living room and parts of her bedroom. This girl was dumb enough not to draw the curtains at night. In retrospect it wasn't my best idea and had I caught her, what the hell was I suppose to do with the information? I giggle just thinking back about the silliness I got up to.

Number 1. The Fellas

I miss the fellas. What a bunch of great individuals to have ever come together. With our combined abilities, ideas, and personalities we could accomplish anything. Well that was then anyway. Those days are never to come again. All one can do is start a blog and write about it. I can only hope to catchup with everyone again. But I know it will never be quite the same. Thank god for email and Facebook.com, at least they are not lost forever.....

Fatty Crab 2 or Bloody Hell 3?

Recently my partner-in-crime and co-star our Shoddy Horror movie series Andrew Campbell paid me a visit. As its now seemingly becoming some sort of tradition, I took him and Alex (his girlfriend la, short for Alexandra) to Fatty Crab. I also took our fellow Shoddy alumni, Simon last year and still talks to me about it. I get the feeling like he's still upset about the fact we didn't order enough. Simon was the one who recommended Andrew to experience 'Elbows-In Dining'. I am always more than happy to accommodate my 'brothers'.

Fatty Crab is renowned for their delicious red crabs. In fact they serve nothing but. Well you can order side dishes like chicken wings and fried rice, but mostly, people just come for the crabs. The crab can be cooked in several styles, sweet and sour, steamed, fried with chili or with black pepper. Its all good.


For this raunchy experience, we ordered the house favourite, chili crabs. These crabs are fried in a gigantic wok over high heat and then bathed in a wondrous sauce made with chillies, peppers and all else divine. Oddly enough, you also are provided with toasted bread to dip in this sauce. Simply magical. We asked for extra sauce. We ate like hungry Tonkin Snub-nosed Monkey's.

The next day, I took Andrew and Alex shopping. As a goof, I thought it be fun for Andrew and I to wear matching shirts again. "Lets wear matching shirts man! That be cool! Lets see what kind of reaction we'd get" I said. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but as we walked out of the Factory Outlet Store, and into the mall, I realized that we can't pull off shit like this anymore at our age. But at least we tried.

"I use to think I was fat in 1998... what the Jinggez hell!" We should go and make part 3 and call it 'Bloody Hell 3 - The Return of the Tall Old and Fat Wabby Zombie Killer Bastards Again"

How do you tell who is who?

I'm not trying to make fun of my own religion but honestly, this is where I think the Arabs take it a little too far... Why bother taking this picture ?

"Oh look Auntie Laden got new shoes..."
"and my my hasn't Latifah lost weight since the pregnancy.."

Thai Cuisine in Bangkok

Recently on my trip to the Kingdom of Thailand, I was blessed with the opportunity to sample the local fair as only god intended. Up until last week, my idea of great Thai food comes from eating at the local food stalls down the road, cooked by some Indian bloke from Bangalore. I may be stating the obvious here but, you just can't beat consuming Thai food that has been cooked by 'the locals'. Being able to eat it there in Bangkok was key. Sure, a Thai dude can come here to Malaysia and cook up a storm, but there's something to be said about using the ingredients that has been grown from the ground where the blood and tears its people have spilt. Thai food is known for its enthusiastic use of fresh (rather than dried) herbs and spices as well as fish sauce. Thai cuisine is known for its balance of five fundamental flavors in each dish or the overall meal - spicy, sour, sweet, salty and bitter (optional).

I was really amazed at how consistent the food was where ever I ate. Whether it be at road side push cart food stall or the Hotel coffeehouse, the food was simply wonderous. Anyway, my favourite Thai dish would have to be the Tom Yam soup. Tom Yam is basically a hot & sour soup with meat. If it has shrimp in it, its called Tom Yam Goong. If there is all other kinds of seafood in it, then is called Tom Yam Talae. Naturally, being Malaysian, I prefer the Tom Yam Gai which has chicken and is more like a curry as it has coconut milk.

I firmly believe that the spicier the soup the better. When I was a student in Adelaide, my friend Simon and I would head down to the corner food court and order their so called Tom Yam. It tasted like just pure chili and water and we thought "wow! this is the shit!". How sadly ignorant we were. Nine out of Ten times after consuming copious amounts of 'imitation' Thai food, my anus pays a hefty fine the next morning. Generally feeling like 50 midgets are having a bond fire and my sphincter is the melting marshmellow-on-a-stick.

This is the 'after' photo of my Tom Yam soup. There's no 'before' photo as I was blinded by greed and hunger that I forgot to take one. As you can see from the reminisce that it was made with love and no ingredient was spared. So good that it inspired me to post this post.

Now here's the thing, if Tom Yam is made right, the balance of all the five fundamental flavors come together in glorious harmony. To much of one, and it all goes to shit. Literally. Every time I sat down and ordered, I would say to the cook, "make it as spicy as locals like it". Expecting it to burn like in the past, I was pleasantly surprised this was not the case. A good indication that its great Tom Yam, your nose starts to run and you can feel your sinus clearing. It should not feel like hot acid being poured down your throat. I normally tear up in pain and frantically guzzle down gulps of water with every spoonful. Not this time. Oh no. This time, my tears were of joy and my grin was that of a giddy school girl.

One last thing, I noticed that at all the various eating establishments throughout my time in Bangkok, one practice was evident. The cooks would almost always create each individual dish one at a time. This seemed inefficient at the time as there was always a long queue. I also noticed that Thai people seem to be not hurried when it came to food. They are willing to wait. They obviously take their food very seriously. As we all should, I suppose. I realize now, that by cooking each meal (or portion) individually, the exact amount of ingredients can be maintained every time, thus ensuring 'the balance of flavour'. The Thais have definitely got it right. Decades of trial and error. Years of mothers passing down those little culinary secrets to future generations. Ultimately forever insuring that the sheer elegance of Thai cuisine lives on forever...

Happy Birthday to me..

Its the day after my Birthday and I feel absolutely the same as I did a year ago. A little older, a little wiser, and a few kilos heavier. Just got back from Bangkok and in retrospect, probably the best present I could have given myself. Nothing like a few days in a foreign country to put some extra perspective on ones life. Glad to be home and love Malaysia that little bit more.

Thoughts on my life? Sure things can always be better... but bottom line, honestly, I'm happy and thankful to God that I've gotten this far relatively unscathed. With all of life's ups and downs, overall, the graph has shown an upward trend. I hope this trend continues till the day I die.

Friends have come and gone. Those who I call friends now, I feel will be with me a long time, My family? Stronger and full of love through all the tough times. The saying "united we stand, together we fall" rings so true.

This blog, reluctantly, what started out as an experiment, has become very much a part of my life. . I would like to thank those who have visited here with a message, "Don't be a Jinggez ass and come back again!" . And a very special shout out to my regular readers who take the time to write comments here. All of you make this Blog look "happening" and in turn, I don't look like just another 'loser with a blog', so for that I thank you.

Cheers to all.

Here is a cake for myself, excuse me while I light 32 candles, sing 'the' song, blow out the candles and feel stupid that I continue this idiotic tradition. Aint it all a Jinggez?!

Ahh, what the hell, I think I'm gonna get a cake and make some burgers tonight...

Miscellaneous Information on Star Trek: The Next Generation

Just in case you need to know more about the show, here are some useful information for you. You never know when it might come up at a dinner party or even at your next convention. Although, if you were at a convention, bringing up these points would only embarrass yourself as all this is common knowledge!

Riker has been offered the command of his own ship on the following occasions:
In The Arsenal of Freedom, he is offered command of the USS Drake.
In The Icarus Factor he's offered the USS Aries.
In the Best of Both Worlds he is offered the USS Melbourne, later found destroyed at Wolf 359.

The saucer section of the Enterprise separates from the drive section in:
Encounter At Farpoint.
The Arsenal of Freedom.
Best of Both Worlds - Part II.

Captain Picard surrenders:
To `Q' in Encounter at Farpoint.
He tries to surrender to the Ferengi but they surrender first in The Last Outpost.
In The Outragous Okona, Picard orders the shields dropped `In case we decide to surrender to them.'
In A Matter of Honor, Picard surrenders to Riker who is in command of the Klingon vessel Pagh.
In Peak Performance, Riker asks Picard `Would you care to surrender now?' even before the war games start.
In The Defector, the Romulans ask Picard to surrender but he refuses.

Geordi LaForge is named after a real Star Trek fan named George LaForge who died from muscular dystrophy in 1975.

Industrial Light and Magic (ILM) did the special effect shots only for Encounter At Farpoint but they still get credit in every episode because of the extra stock footage for Enterprise fly-bys and such.

If you look closely at the Enterprise during the fly-by in the opening credits, you can see someone walking past the windows.

William Riker and Deanna Troi are based upon Commander Decker and Lieutenant Ilia from Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

Star Trek: The Next Generation has earned over US$500,000,000 for Paramount in syndication and merchandising revenue.

The Child and Devil's Due were originally scripts for the proposed Star Trek II television series. When this idea was scrapped, the sets were used for the shooting of Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

There are numerous in-jokes in The Next Generation:
In The Neutral Zone, the family tree called up by Deanna Troi for Clare Raymond includes the names of all the actors who have played the part of the Doctor in Dr Who.
In Loud As A Whisper, the conference table is marked with the names of Kei and Yuri from the Japanese animation series, The Dirty Pair.
In The Icarus Factor the mat has the Chinese character of `sei' or star on it.
In Up The Long Ladder a ship called Buckaroo Banzai is listed.
In Qpid Picard says `There is something you should know ... I'm not from Nottingham.' - this is a reference to the film The Princes' Bride.
In Sub Rosa one of the gravestones says "McFly", a reference to Back to the Future.
Professor Stephen Hawking is the only person ever to have appeared `as himself' in Star Trek: The Next Generation, in a cameo role at the start of Descent. He has already had a shuttle named after him which appeared in The Host.

"Helm!..... set course for sector 001, warp factor 8, ........ENGAGE!"

How to watch a T.V series properly

Can I just say that one of my all time favourite TV Series has to be 'The West Wing'. The series is set in the West Wing of the White House, the location of the Oval Office and offices of presidential senior staff, during the fictional Democratic administration of Josiah Bartlet played by Martin Sheen. The West Wing offers a rare glimpse into the inner workings of America's most powerful address, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Many criticisms have been written concerning the shows legitimacy, political slant, and film merits. Some critics often praised The West Wing for its writing, others faulted the show for its unrealistic optimism. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a U.S Politics buff nor am I have suddenly gone 'all serious'. I just really like this show.

At first I was reluctant to watch it thinking, "How can a show about the white house be any good?". Even after its first season, The West Wing garnered nine Emmy's, (a record for most won by a series in a single season) I was still not convinced. However around about the time the show was in its 5th Season, I went out to my local DVD pirate store, purchased the Season 1 DVD box set. What the hell right? Let's see what all the fuss was about. And DAMN! it was good. Needless to say I watched all 22 episodes in 2 days! I couldn't stop.

I went back to Pei Pei the DVD Princess and bought all the remaining seasons. She had up to Season 4. That didn't take long to complete either. I think 2 or 3 months it was. I remember rationing the viewing, 2 episodes a night. That took some discipline. Could have easily watched it all. Anyhow, the day came when I had just seen the cliffhanger at the end of Season 4, I rushed out to Princess Pei Pei, to my horror, NO SEASON 5! It wasn't clear to me at the time, but, how could there be Season 5 DVD Box set, if they haven't complete showing it in the U.S? I was blinded by own immense Kiasu-ness. (Kiasu (Traditional Chinese: 驚輸) is a Hokkien word that literally means 'fear of losing' . However its actual usage would imply a meaning more approaching that of "dog in a manger", and yet not quite)

The series ended its seven-year run on May 14, 2006. I am sad and will miss it greatly. However, I now proudly own the entire DVD collection (Not the one pictured right) so I can relive the moments forever. Fast Forward to today and the reason for this post.

My mother, retired, bored, a TV nut and most of all, Kiasu. All of our favourite current shows like Heroes and Prison Break are on their season breaks. The English Premier League won't resume until August. She had nothing to watch. I've been recommending The West Wing to her for sometime now. She reluctantly took my advice and watched the pilot.

Now here is the kicker, she began watching 7 days ago. As of yesterday she told me she was already on Season 7! There are 22 episodes a season. 7 seasons is 154 episodes. Each episode is 45 minutes long (without commercials), so that's 6930 minutes which equates to 115 hours of viewing time! That's simply amazing! I think by the time I finish writing this, she'll be asking me for Season 8. Sadly, she will have to undergo the same withdrawals as me. If only there was a machine that can zap out specific memories, like the entire series, then we could watch it again! I know this time, I'd watch it just like my mom. IN ONE GO.

You know you're from Adelaide when ...

Thanks Nana for this contribution........ Incidentally, Nana is an Indonesian. She is called Nana because her full name is Sri Retnaning Diyah Hastuti Hadiputranto. Huh? Exactly. Anyway, Nana loves Adelaide so much that she has become a permanent resident, works for the government of South Australia and is about to marry someone from there! Go figure.

1. You have been to the club formerly known as Heaven at least once (and you were under 18).
2. You have been to Glenelg and got extremely sunburned
3. You know what fritz is You call people Mindas
4. You say plaaaant not pleeeent
5. You go out to the same place EVERY Saturday night
6. You have the same friends from high school
7. You can't go out without seeing someone you know
8. You really miss the old Sizzler cheese bread
9. You like ugg boots, not moccies
10. You have a very strong opinion on Lleyton Hewitt
11. You have been to one of the following lookouts:
    (Stirling, Mt Lofty, Penfolds Rd, Sunnyside Rd, Eagle On The Hill, Montefiore Hill)
12. You know who Stormy Summers is
13. You know what Fruchocs are
14. You believe that anything that has ever breathed or moved in Adelaide air is 'Adelaide's Own'
15. You're well aware that for one month of the year, it is impossible to travel from one side of the city to the other, and during this period you will magically acquire a passion for V8s, a love of the arts, appreciation for world music, expertise in food and wine and become completely immersed in the culture of horse racing.
16. You pour Farmer's Union Iced Coffee on your breakfast cereal.
17. You will never forgive Melbourne for stealing our Grand Prix. ..Never.
18. You know how 'dance', 'pool', 'castle' and 'graph' are SUPPOSED to be pronounced.
19. You get offended when people from Western Australia call SA part of the "East Coast".
20. You insist on calling AAMI Stadium, "Footy Park".
21. You say a Pie Floater tastes great just to maintain your street cred.
22. You consider Coopers to be a food group.
23. You believe that other states' time zones are not good enough for us.
24. You acknowledge that, while half of our state is uninhabitable, you know that it's still the greatest.
25. You think the 'Tiser has no journalistic integrity whatsoever.... and yet you still read it every day.
26. You vote for Mike Rann in every State election, mainly because you can't remember the other guy's name.
27. You know there's more than one way to have a good time in Hindley Street.
28. You buy your CDs from shabby "Big Star" outlets
29. You know that Victor Harbor is the only place to be for Schoolies.
30. You forgave the Chapels for the 1981 Underarm Incident purely out of South Australian patriotism.
31. You have a unfettered love of either Crows or Port to the complete exclusion of the
    other.
32. You know the people out on the Torrens are either tourists or rowers. No one else would go near that water.
33. You think the Festival Centre is a wonder of modern architecture.
34. You console yourself that, despite all our faults, at least South Australia wasn't built by convicts.
35. You can leave work at 5:15 and miss "peak hour traffic"
36. You can have a good old laugh at the fact that Adelaide's second name is "City of Churches"
37. You're not scared by Aboriginals walking around Adelaide in speedos and gumboots
38. Your 'sports gurus' are KG and Cornesy
39. You know what a 'stobie pole' is
40. You don't know what the meaning of the "Mall's balls" but you make sure you
    meet people there You either live on one side or the other of the great divide
    (Gepps Cross intersection)
41. You're aware that everything is not just good, it's "heaps good"
42. You still claim Anthony LaPaglia as an Adelaidean cos he worked in a shoe shop in Rundle Mall once.
43. You understand that the Adelaide Cup Holiday HAD to be moved to the Summer months so more people would get drunk and not have to go to work.
    And on a final note...don't believe the rumours. I lived in South
    Australia and have never been murdered once.
    
    RE POST THIS TO YOUR PROUD SOUTH AUSTRALIAN FRIENDS
    
    DAMN! I MISS ADELAIDE................
    ................... coming soon,
    'BiskutNaga & Shoddy Blogs Top 10 Things We miss about Adelaide'

BiskutNaga's 4 Types of Gays

I have successfully categorized Gays into 4 main sub groups. This are purely my own observations. I'm am not trying piss off gay people but merely providing valuable insight for straight people so we are better prepared in being more aware of our surroundings. There are those that will say that Lesbians are also called Gay, but for this entry, I'm not talking about Lesbians. From these various types, you can develop your own informed opinions and reactions towards future gay encounters. At the same time you yourself will know where you stand in life.

Type 1 - The Full Version 'might-as-well-be woman' Gay

These are those that have gone all out to change genders. So far as to undergo a sex operation and taking hormone injections to induce once a month menstrual crying (PMS). These are for all intensive purposes are the perfect woman, having being Men at one point, they understand all the little nuances of manhood. They give the best oral sex and can never get pregnant thus making them the best one night stands. Generally these are termed Transvestites or Transgender but lets not call an apple a peach. Gay is gay no matter how you label or look at it. Which now brings me to Type 2.

Type 2 - The Half Cross or Full Drag Gay
These are the ones that dress up and play woman. Some do a Partial Cross, i.e a little lipstick and blusher on cheeks and some go ALL OUT. They are generally well versed at make-up application because an depth study and practice was applied (as only a man would mind you). They are good singers and are great for public gatherings, like a funfair or parade. Some have done so well with their ensembles, that credit must be given. At first glance, they will catch your eye mistaking them for a famous celebrity of which their ensemble has been based upon. Most often that not, encounters are in dimly lit area like a night club, so their imperfections, i.e Adam's apple, can be easily be masked by the shadows. Recently, the Duck Tape company sponsored the Gay parade in New Orleans. For examples of Type-2s, watch 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert' or 'Too Wong Foo Thank you Julie Newmar'.

Type 3 - The Metro Soft Flexible Gay
This type for me personally is the most irritating type. They generally talk with a lisp while excessively moving body parts like wrist, hands and shoulders. Phrase's like "Absolutely Fabulous" and "You go Girl" are commonly used. These are the ones that dress in the latest fashions and know if you are wearing last season's shoes. These are the ones that quick to point out how if you like a certain type of music, say Barbara Streisand, then you MIGHT be Gay and are cordially invited to 'come out of the closet'. If you happen dress well and be generally well groomed, then the term Metrosexual is quickly slapped on you. This of course is a sub-set of Type 3 and 4. A very prominent Type-3 is the runway coach Miss J, from America's Next Top Model. Ironically it takes a man to teach women how to walk properly.

Type 4 - The Alpha Gay
This version is the most dangerous. There is something almost covert about the whole thing. These are Men man Men. They are big, strong, and nothing feminine about them at all. They play sports, they spit, they fart, hell, they do pretty much everything a man does except be attracted to Women. These are the ones that break women's hearts and give women hope of converting back to Straight-ness. Type-3s are attracted to Type-4s as generally they are ones 'giving' while the Type-3 normally 'receives'. Rock Hudson and the Movie Brokeback Mountain are prime examples of Type-4.

Please understand, that if YOU happen to gay and are angered in anyway with this entry, at NO point did I condemn your action or choice in life. I am merely stating observational facts. My comments are to be taken lightly and to be enjoyed as social satire. If you CHOOSE to berate me with angry gay phrases like, "You are homophobic!" then you truly are Gay as you see the need to voice out your lack of rights and social acceptance. You have missed the point. AGAIN. Girl!

I Finally Saw TRANSFORMERS! (no spoilers)

I managed to get my hands on some premier tickets. I bought a magazine that had a 'answer the simple questions' contest via text message, and I scored! The movie doesn't officially release till tomorrow... eh.. later today I mean. I've literally just got home from the cinema. I drove like a fully charged Autobot, to come home and write this entry.

To put it short and sweet. It was AWESOME! By far, the best summer blockbuster and probably the most action packed movie this year! After all the hype, all the publicity, all the hoop-la, it did not disappoint. Don't get me wrong, this movie will not win an Oscar for best acting, but it will win for best special effects. My god the effects. It was cutting edge. I haven't been this impressed since Jurassic Park. ILM did a fine ass job. Not one stray pixel anywhere. When you see the first transformer transformation at the start of the movie, it will send chills through your spine. Simply sexy.

I've not had this much fun since 300.. Both are equally entertaining. I just leave you with this, whether you are a hardcore transformer purist or an easy going movie goer, take this film for what it is, an awesome popcorn summer blockbuster. That's what it is and Hollywood owes us for the shite that has been in recent years. Don't go in there expecting to cry from a monologue of rape victim or expecting to be moved by intense political issues. You want that? Go rent a German art house movie about Hitler's pet midgets!

The differences between Hongkies, Singaporeans, Indonesians and Malaysians

Its that time again for an email forwarded to me, too good not to share.

Being Hongkies (Hong Kong people) is good because...
1. We are Hongkies and not Chinese.
2. We can rude and shout and nobody gives a damn.
3. Jackie Chan is our idol.
4. We can live in a 5' x 5' cubicle and call it a luxury apartment. We even need to pay $10,000 a month for this cubicle. Bargain!
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or Tung Chee Hwa or the mainland communists.
7. Gambling is more interesting than sex. Macau is the place to go for thrills!
8. We produce a lot of Miss Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and famous.

We love being Singaporean because...
1. We are not Malaysians.
2. Everyone (especially the Malaysian) hates us, except ourselves.
3. Famous for Orchard Road and we love Geylang. Geylang is the place to go for thrills!
4. We have our own island.
5. We will never ever have yucky chewing gum stuck under our shoes.
6. We know how to enjoy our vacation in Malaysia - keep a few RM50 notes before you enter the highway: You can throw anything, anytime, anywhere and always wash our cars at the resort.
7. We can speed up to 180 kilometers per hour and not end up with a summon as long as we have RM50 ready for the cops.
8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl "Do you have CPF?" (Central Provident Fund is a comprehensive social security savings plan for citizens old age)
9. Never fear getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will get you into the sea. Hahaha!
10. We'll never have to worry about finding Mr or Ms right because the government will find one for us.
11. 1 Singapore dollar = 2.5 Ringgit (RM) ...
12. It's OK to be Kiasu. It's part of our culture.

• KIASU(kee-ah-soo)Hokkien adjective literally meaning, "afraid of losing". A highly pejorative description beloved of Singaporeans. Possibly their defining national characteristic. The nearest English equivalent is "dog in a manger", though even that is pretty mild."You went to get a handicapped sticker just to get a parking space? How kiasu can you get?"

Top reasons for being Indonesian are as follows...
1. We are not Australian.
2. We are the biggest country in South East Asia . Enough said.
3. No pirates in Indonesia waters if you exclude the Navy and Coast guards.
4. Everything is dirt cheap, even our salaries...
5. We can blame everything on Suharto or BJ Habibie or Gus Dur or Megawati or whoever that's next!
6. Only in Indonesia can you get involved in real demonstrations daily, for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just because IMF say so...
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn. We cause haze all over the South East Asia and nobody can do a thing...
9. We don't need fire fighters as our neighbours will provide...

Being a Malaysian is the best because...
1. World tallest twin towers, Best F1 circuit, largest roti canai, most expensive toll rates, ...because "Malaysia Boleh!" (Malaysia can)
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the cell phone, adjusting the radio and bribe the traffic police at the same time.
3. We can divorce via SMS.
4. Traffic summons can be settled on the spot with the traffic police.
5. We have Teh Tarik & Roti Canai on the Russian space ship.
6. We can save a lot of electricity because our TV shows are so crappy.
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government or opposition parties or...
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others watching...
9. We make a 2 lane trunk road into 3 lane highway and then back to 2 lanes when the cops are sighted...
10. There's always something for the JKR (road works department) to do. They dig, resurface the road, then dig and resurface again....
11. All main roads are designated highways to allow the government a reason to collect a toll.
12. Our government is NEVER wrong.
13. Our badminton players only win on home grounds because we are back yard champions.
14. We have more water than Singapore ... so there!

Thanks to Anis for forwarding email to me. Some of the grammar was corrected by me. I also added explanations (in italic) for some of the local terms used. Clearly this email was written by Chinese fella, most probably from Singapore. The 'Kiasu' -ness, was quite evident in the writing. The fact that he talked about Singapore second after Hong Kong, indicates that he does not want to be to obvious. Also, notice how he mostly makes fun of Malaysia. What a Bitch Ass! Its no wonder why we hate you so....