I Finally Saw TRANSFORMERS! (no spoilers)

I managed to get my hands on some premier tickets. I bought a magazine that had a 'answer the simple questions' contest via text message, and I scored! The movie doesn't officially release till tomorrow... eh.. later today I mean. I've literally just got home from the cinema. I drove like a fully charged Autobot, to come home and write this entry.

To put it short and sweet. It was AWESOME! By far, the best summer blockbuster and probably the most action packed movie this year! After all the hype, all the publicity, all the hoop-la, it did not disappoint. Don't get me wrong, this movie will not win an Oscar for best acting, but it will win for best special effects. My god the effects. It was cutting edge. I haven't been this impressed since Jurassic Park. ILM did a fine ass job. Not one stray pixel anywhere. When you see the first transformer transformation at the start of the movie, it will send chills through your spine. Simply sexy.

I've not had this much fun since 300.. Both are equally entertaining. I just leave you with this, whether you are a hardcore transformer purist or an easy going movie goer, take this film for what it is, an awesome popcorn summer blockbuster. That's what it is and Hollywood owes us for the shite that has been in recent years. Don't go in there expecting to cry from a monologue of rape victim or expecting to be moved by intense political issues. You want that? Go rent a German art house movie about Hitler's pet midgets!

The differences between Hongkies, Singaporeans, Indonesians and Malaysians

Its that time again for an email forwarded to me, too good not to share.

Being Hongkies (Hong Kong people) is good because...
1. We are Hongkies and not Chinese.
2. We can rude and shout and nobody gives a damn.
3. Jackie Chan is our idol.
4. We can live in a 5' x 5' cubicle and call it a luxury apartment. We even need to pay $10,000 a month for this cubicle. Bargain!
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or Tung Chee Hwa or the mainland communists.
7. Gambling is more interesting than sex. Macau is the place to go for thrills!
8. We produce a lot of Miss Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and famous.

We love being Singaporean because...
1. We are not Malaysians.
2. Everyone (especially the Malaysian) hates us, except ourselves.
3. Famous for Orchard Road and we love Geylang. Geylang is the place to go for thrills!
4. We have our own island.
5. We will never ever have yucky chewing gum stuck under our shoes.
6. We know how to enjoy our vacation in Malaysia - keep a few RM50 notes before you enter the highway: You can throw anything, anytime, anywhere and always wash our cars at the resort.
7. We can speed up to 180 kilometers per hour and not end up with a summon as long as we have RM50 ready for the cops.
8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl "Do you have CPF?" (Central Provident Fund is a comprehensive social security savings plan for citizens old age)
9. Never fear getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will get you into the sea. Hahaha!
10. We'll never have to worry about finding Mr or Ms right because the government will find one for us.
11. 1 Singapore dollar = 2.5 Ringgit (RM) ...
12. It's OK to be Kiasu. It's part of our culture.

• KIASU(kee-ah-soo)Hokkien adjective literally meaning, "afraid of losing". A highly pejorative description beloved of Singaporeans. Possibly their defining national characteristic. The nearest English equivalent is "dog in a manger", though even that is pretty mild."You went to get a handicapped sticker just to get a parking space? How kiasu can you get?"

Top reasons for being Indonesian are as follows...
1. We are not Australian.
2. We are the biggest country in South East Asia . Enough said.
3. No pirates in Indonesia waters if you exclude the Navy and Coast guards.
4. Everything is dirt cheap, even our salaries...
5. We can blame everything on Suharto or BJ Habibie or Gus Dur or Megawati or whoever that's next!
6. Only in Indonesia can you get involved in real demonstrations daily, for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just because IMF say so...
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn. We cause haze all over the South East Asia and nobody can do a thing...
9. We don't need fire fighters as our neighbours will provide...

Being a Malaysian is the best because...
1. World tallest twin towers, Best F1 circuit, largest roti canai, most expensive toll rates, ...because "Malaysia Boleh!" (Malaysia can)
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the cell phone, adjusting the radio and bribe the traffic police at the same time.
3. We can divorce via SMS.
4. Traffic summons can be settled on the spot with the traffic police.
5. We have Teh Tarik & Roti Canai on the Russian space ship.
6. We can save a lot of electricity because our TV shows are so crappy.
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government or opposition parties or...
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others watching...
9. We make a 2 lane trunk road into 3 lane highway and then back to 2 lanes when the cops are sighted...
10. There's always something for the JKR (road works department) to do. They dig, resurface the road, then dig and resurface again....
11. All main roads are designated highways to allow the government a reason to collect a toll.
12. Our government is NEVER wrong.
13. Our badminton players only win on home grounds because we are back yard champions.
14. We have more water than Singapore ... so there!

Thanks to Anis for forwarding email to me. Some of the grammar was corrected by me. I also added explanations (in italic) for some of the local terms used. Clearly this email was written by Chinese fella, most probably from Singapore. The 'Kiasu' -ness, was quite evident in the writing. The fact that he talked about Singapore second after Hong Kong, indicates that he does not want to be to obvious. Also, notice how he mostly makes fun of Malaysia. What a Bitch Ass! Its no wonder why we hate you so....

Don't you just love Lindsay Lohan?

I must say I am a little bit unsure on my opinions about Lindsay. The first time I saw her was in her breakout Disney movie, The Parent Trap (1998) where she played twins. Her performance was simply brilliant as I thought there were two actresses. Her acting ability is not in question and her recent films are evidence of this. I initially wondered if freckles on her body would get worse as she grew up because honestly, she could have gone either way. This obviously is not the case as she blossomed into quite a vixen. Lindsay was voted #10 on the list of "100 Sexiest Women 2006" by readers of FHM. Maxim placed her at #3 on its 2006 Hot 100 list as well. This year, Lindsay placed at #1 on the Maxim "Hot 100". Her entry on the list can be seen here.

Lindsay is portrayed as a "party girl" who frequented clubs with Nicole Richie and Paris and Nicky Hilton, among others ("people [say], 'Oh, she goes out and she parties,'" Lindsay said. "No, we are just going out and having fun."), while accidental exposures to paparazzi brought repeated rumors of breast enhancement ("they're real though," she asserted). Lindsay later lampooned the various rumors on Saturday Night Live.

The latest scandal involving her are these eye-popping pictures of Lindsay and Vanessa Minnillo posing provocatively with knives making their way to the Internet.

The pictures were taken last year in June after a night of partying in New York. They were both pretty wasted and probably thought it was a great idea to take pictures posing with knives and pulling at each other's tops. Now Vanessa Minnillo is ashamed of these pictures and worries that they will hurt her career.



Anyway, love her or hate her, you can't help but be interested to know what will happen next with Lindsay Lohan. She seems to have succeeded on shedding her Disney image. I for one am still unsure which one I like better. Good Lindsay or Bad Lohan? But then again, whats not to like? Smokes, booze, boobs, knives, lesbians and a suggestive nature... its all good stuff.

I just can't wait to see if little Emma Watson a.k.a Harry Potter's Hermione Granger will follow suit. We can only hope. >>>

Indiana Jones 4 - Sure or not, Mr. Ford?

The fourth installment of the Indiana Jones movies is currently filming, directed by Steven Spielberg and produced by George Lucas, and today there is a first look of the now 65-year-old Harrison Ford as Indy. IndianaJones.com says:

For the first time since 1989, Harrison Ford dons the familiar costume on
Thursday, June 21, 2007, as the upcoming Indiana Jones adventure begins
production under the direction of Steven Spielberg. The new Indiana Jones movie
is set in the 1950s and stars Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, John Hurt, Ray
Winstone and Jim Broadbent. The Lucasfilm Ltd. production will be released by
Paramount Pictures worldwide on May 22, 2008.

At least he doesn't look 65, but he sure as hell doesn't look like he could bull-whip my ass either. There seems to be a trend of sorts. All these old action heroes, going back and re-doing these films that made them famous. Reliving their youth? Maybe. First it was Stallone, with Rocky 6, then Bruce with Die Hard 4, also lets not forget, coming soon, Rambo 4.. yup Rambo 4. And now Indy 4. This film without a doubt has the be made, but think they have left it a decade too late. Thank god Connery isn't in it or else it be like too old fellas dragging their saggy scrotum's across a cave floor looking for some lost idol-thingy or something. I do however, hope that it will be action packed and worthy of a place in my DVD collection.

Thinking more about it, I think my problem is not so much that Harrison is 65, but more of the fact that he is with Calista 'Ally McBeal' Boney-Ass Flockheart. Damn, she gives me the shits. I hated her as Ally McBeal and I hate her as a celebrity. I really like to drown her in a pool of her own puke. Hey! That gives me idea for a post, BiskutNaga's Top ten women that truly sucks.... hmmm... I'll get on it.

Malaysian Airlines horror story

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and was horrified at ordeal he experienced flying Malaysian Airlines.

First off, my friend is an Australian. He recently married a lovely Chinese Malaysian lady and now have a son bearly 10 months old. They now live in Malaysia. On his recent trip to Melbourne, he had requested for the seats right up front which supports a baby Bassinet. Anyway, Airline policy states that you cannot actually book those seats, but under normal circumstances, if you are with an infant, you will be placed in those seats. On the way over, the flight was full and the ticketing person was NOT at all accommodating. However, they still managed to rearrange passengers so that my friend and his family got those seats. But not until they actually boarded mind you. But that's not the real drama.

The real shit happened on their return flight. Once again, during check in, the Mas Ground manager was most arrogant (an Australian himself mind you). He insisted that my friend shut the hell up and just take the seats given. No discussions. My friend was still patient, once he got on the plane, the steward didn't even want to listen to his request and simply pointed to rear section. Ok, so they are almost at the second last row, a stewardess, probably on her monthly women's cycle, told my friend to take his seat as he is blocking the aisle. "How is my wife suppose to get in her window seat and in any case, who am I blocking? everyone is seated.". At this point, the stewardess, said in Malay, "we have another rude white man". Unlucky for her, my friend understands, having lived in Malaysia for years, and told her not to be rude. This angered her even more and she stormed off to tell the chief steward. Next, the rude Ground manager from before came on board only to shove a printout, "Look sir! YOU DID NOT REQUEST those seats, and you are WRONG, sit down and stop being an 'unruly' passenger!". Further dispute arose when my friend tried to call his travel agent, at this point, the manager threaten to throw him off the plane for using a mobile on a plane. Next thing you know, airport security came on board, and said he had to leave the plane on the orders of the Captain. Obviously, details were not disclosed to him, just simply that there was an unruly passenger on board.

At the terminal, four police officers were waiting. After explaining that all he wanted was a seats for his baby, even the police found no reason this has happen to my friend. In fact, the police also were confused as to why this was all happeing to my friend. Then the manager came out and cried out "why haven't you cuffed him?". He shoved my friend a boarding pass for a later flight (9 hours later), and said "why don't you write a letter of complaint if you are unhappy!". Meanwhile, my friend's wife was crying all the way back to Kuala Lumpur. Even the other passengers where also left confused. She was told that the ground staff would help her on her arrival at KLIA. Not even. She had to carry the son, 3 carry-on bags, and collect the luggage that included a golf set, ALL BY HERSELF.

At no point did my friend raise his voice, swear or threaten anyone throughout. He is not even a tourist and is considered to be a Malaysian resident. And yet, something like this has happened to him. If was me, I would have lost it, long ago. My friend has written a 5 page letter of complaint, but I doubt he will get compensation for this. A free one-way fight to Tibet, maybe, then again would he fly Malaysian Airlines again? If he can help it, NO.

Malaysians have still a lot to learn about customer service. I do not think these Airline staff realize how their actions effect how tourist view our country. They are the first people, foreigners come in contact with, and WE should always put our best foot forward at all times. 2007 is suppose to be Visit Malaysia Year, and we definitely are not prepared for it. I think there are many that don't know, don't care, or worse, know, but could not give a rat's ass about it. Malaysian Airlines have gone from one of the top 5 airlines in the world to dead last in my book.

What a crying shame. But judging from stories like these, I don't think they care.

First Review for the new Transformers movie

Transformers the Movie will not be out here in Asia not for another few weeks, although I read somewhere that it will be shown here in Malaysia one week before the scheduled 1st of July because the rampant piracy. I don't see how though, as showing it earlier would mean that the pirated DVDs will hit the streets of Istambul one week earlier too.

Last night however, I did go to see Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer, and my review is short and sweet.... IT SUCKED... it sucked balls..... crap .... and crap. Its only a little bit better than the first movie, which isn't saying much seeing as that sucked so bad that anything else was going to be a step up.

After months of speculation, someone has actually seen it. This is what Dome22 (taken from http://www.aintitcool.com/) had to say about The Transformers. I shall reserve my comments until after I've seen the movie myself. But it is looking good.... read on..

Before going into specific details about positives I shall address the negatives which are escorted here in inverted commas for the sheer fact that it never once hindered this experience for me. Now, some will claim that the first two are pretty big negatives but when you have giant robots dancing around said negatives, I raise my shoulders, close my eyes, turn my head slightly right and exclaim, meh”;

1. First up, and this includes a detailed plot summary; I had NO IDEA what the hay was going on here. Ever. The whole movie. I looked around to my mates who had the exact same look on their faces I don't know what is going on but I am loving it so much the sides of my mouth will soon bleed from the smiling! I think it had something to do with a cube that may or may not be a bad influence on the XBOX 360 community.

2. Second negative was one of things that adversely affected the latter two of the threquel efforts this year over-crowding. There is pretty much only two human leads in this movie but dozens of supporting players to drop bits of exposition in between the stomping and driving and giant smack downs. These characters are usually quirky, funny or unusual (Jon Voight’s secretary of Defence gives Harrison Ford's Mr. President a run for his money in the “useful” department) in any number of ways and most get their moment in the sun. This may be the first movie that Bernie Mac didn't annoy me but this may also be the first movie he only had eight lines. There are way too many more to mention individually. John Turturro –
Criminal girls are HOT!” Thank you, God

3. One CG shot. Yep, I'm scraping the barrel. This CG man may have been pretty bad but once he gets flicked off screen I laughed and forgot my troubles with a big cup of warm smash-em-ups!

4. The small gremlin-bot. Stupid and pointless. My only true gripe about the whole movie.

Specific positives;
1. Michael Bay. I'm sure all the plot information was actually featured and repeat viewings would render my number one complaint redundant (except for Sector 7, the most powerful arm of the government that has no power) but this film moves with such g-force gusto, I couldn't care less. This is the most fun I've had in a cinema without Paul Ruebens (I like to stay up to date)

2. The action. There are so many individual action set pieces I can't and won't tell you. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them is a winner, even the annoying gremlin-bot. The first time Barricade transforms on-screen brought the house down. This was early on and we were treated to many, many more structure descending moments.

3. The Decepticons.
These guys are just too school for cool! I was induced to several joygasms, specifically the first time they assemble as a team appearing on screen in radio communiqué announcing they are on the way with something like Bonecrusher, en route!” (in alien transcribed-to-English subtitle). This was a toy commercial brought to lovely life. I love that at the end of this sequence they all announce All hail Megatron!”

4. The end city based action sequences. Easily the best thing to appear on screen since three T-Rexs went primal a few years back.

5. The score. Steve Jablonsky delivered a thumping great score and is possibly the sole reason gremlin-bot is tolerable.

6. CG. Flawless in every respect (except for point 3 in the negatives). Michael has come a long way since the blurred pixels of Armageddon. I think the biggest compliment I can pay ILM for this is that not once during the movie did I stop and think “Wow, great CG!” It worked perfectly in hand with the story and action like it should. Very impressed!

7. Meagan Fox. Too sexy to continue typing with one hand.

8. Shia Le Beof. Great in the lead. Very funny, dramatically convincing and
charismatic. He worked well to hold his own against his metallic co-stars. I
don't want to over-sell this and come off all leafy but this, for me is an instant classic of mega-proportions (I just over-sold it, didn’t I?)! I just won't believe that any true Transformers fan could sit through this and not be anything but blown anyway. This IS a Transformers movie!

Exciting times ahead indeed....

Berocca, Does it work?

And now a word from our sponsor.... Berocca Stay sharp Effervescent tablets.

Just a side note, I just love the word EFFERVESCENT.. try using it in a sentence today..

ef·fer·vesce (ěf'ər-věs') Pronunciation Key intr.v. ef·fer·vesced, ef·fer·vesc·ing, ef·fer·vesc·es
- To emit small bubbles of gas, as a carbonated or fermenting liquid.
- To escape from a liquid as bubbles; bubble up.
- To show high spirits or animation or GAY.

Berocca is tailored specifically for those with hectic lifestyles, Berocca helps you to stay at your best and get the most out of the day ahead.

This is what the commercial says.....
Why take Berocca? Berocca is a high dose formulation of essential vitamins and minerals, which can help you to stay sharp. Tailored specifically for those with hectic lifestyles, Berocca helps you to stay at your best and get the most out of the day ahead. It is also free from artificial stimulants, so offers you a health way to stay sharp. Berocca is also suitable for vegetarians.

Drop the tablet into a glass of water to make a delicious orange flavour effervescent drink. Berocca is best taken first thing in the morning to make the most of the day ahead and can be taken every day throughout the year.

Well alright.... sounds good enough...

So? Does it really work? To test, I drank a whole tubes worth. And now I feel like shit. Worse than when I crashed my motorcycle and landed on my head! I think I'm sick. WAIT! Am I not suppose to put more than one at a time? I did find it weird that the glass started overflowing like a science project gone wrong. My stomach is so full of gas now.. ah, crap... hurry man... FART.... BURP... please.. What in the hell!!

I downloaded this award winning commercial quicktime and I sure as hell didn't see any fizzy orange thing behind me.. Or does this shit only work on women? Hang on a sec! let me read the label again.. nope, its suppose to work. Maybe if I were gay.. would I then be able to see a prancing orange fizz fruitcake jump into me? Or at least feeling like one after? Who knows.

In short, Berocca is yet another bullshit feel-good-about-yourself-drink that is as good as a punch in the face. What a load of horse shit.

Spiderman Malaysia

This picture also shows the lengths Malaysians will go for humor.
It also shows how much free time have..
But sadly, this also illustrates how Malaysians are best at taking or copying someone elses idea, change it slightly and call it there own... shish...






Incidentally, this picture was sent to Sam Raimi for his consideration for Spiderman 3 but was rejected, obviously.

Joke Time!

Its that time again for a little wee joke... So enjoy... Thanks to Andrea for emailing it to me. I dont normally read jokes forwarded to me, but this made me chuckle. I thought this one was worth posting for its sexist undertones that are in line with the philosophy that is Jinggez! I also include this picture (right) of Pamela Anderson's cleavage - just for more shits and giggles! She is trying to be funny.. look .. her T-shirt says Google... get it? As in her two massive mounds of love are the 'o's of Goo-gle.. Smart and well thought out.

Anyway.....

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in Melbourne, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited