BiskutNaga's 4 Types of Gays

I have successfully categorized Gays into 4 main sub groups. This are purely my own observations. I'm am not trying piss off gay people but merely providing valuable insight for straight people so we are better prepared in being more aware of our surroundings. There are those that will say that Lesbians are also called Gay, but for this entry, I'm not talking about Lesbians. From these various types, you can develop your own informed opinions and reactions towards future gay encounters. At the same time you yourself will know where you stand in life.

Type 1 - The Full Version 'might-as-well-be woman' Gay

These are those that have gone all out to change genders. So far as to undergo a sex operation and taking hormone injections to induce once a month menstrual crying (PMS). These are for all intensive purposes are the perfect woman, having being Men at one point, they understand all the little nuances of manhood. They give the best oral sex and can never get pregnant thus making them the best one night stands. Generally these are termed Transvestites or Transgender but lets not call an apple a peach. Gay is gay no matter how you label or look at it. Which now brings me to Type 2.

Type 2 - The Half Cross or Full Drag Gay
These are the ones that dress up and play woman. Some do a Partial Cross, i.e a little lipstick and blusher on cheeks and some go ALL OUT. They are generally well versed at make-up application because an depth study and practice was applied (as only a man would mind you). They are good singers and are great for public gatherings, like a funfair or parade. Some have done so well with their ensembles, that credit must be given. At first glance, they will catch your eye mistaking them for a famous celebrity of which their ensemble has been based upon. Most often that not, encounters are in dimly lit area like a night club, so their imperfections, i.e Adam's apple, can be easily be masked by the shadows. Recently, the Duck Tape company sponsored the Gay parade in New Orleans. For examples of Type-2s, watch 'Priscilla Queen of the Desert' or 'Too Wong Foo Thank you Julie Newmar'.

Type 3 - The Metro Soft Flexible Gay
This type for me personally is the most irritating type. They generally talk with a lisp while excessively moving body parts like wrist, hands and shoulders. Phrase's like "Absolutely Fabulous" and "You go Girl" are commonly used. These are the ones that dress in the latest fashions and know if you are wearing last season's shoes. These are the ones that quick to point out how if you like a certain type of music, say Barbara Streisand, then you MIGHT be Gay and are cordially invited to 'come out of the closet'. If you happen dress well and be generally well groomed, then the term Metrosexual is quickly slapped on you. This of course is a sub-set of Type 3 and 4. A very prominent Type-3 is the runway coach Miss J, from America's Next Top Model. Ironically it takes a man to teach women how to walk properly.

Type 4 - The Alpha Gay
This version is the most dangerous. There is something almost covert about the whole thing. These are Men man Men. They are big, strong, and nothing feminine about them at all. They play sports, they spit, they fart, hell, they do pretty much everything a man does except be attracted to Women. These are the ones that break women's hearts and give women hope of converting back to Straight-ness. Type-3s are attracted to Type-4s as generally they are ones 'giving' while the Type-3 normally 'receives'. Rock Hudson and the Movie Brokeback Mountain are prime examples of Type-4.

Please understand, that if YOU happen to gay and are angered in anyway with this entry, at NO point did I condemn your action or choice in life. I am merely stating observational facts. My comments are to be taken lightly and to be enjoyed as social satire. If you CHOOSE to berate me with angry gay phrases like, "You are homophobic!" then you truly are Gay as you see the need to voice out your lack of rights and social acceptance. You have missed the point. AGAIN. Girl!