Monday, September 25, 2006

Help 'Bloody Hell' become immortalized in cyberspace forever!


After 10 years have passed, 'Bloody Hell' (1996), a movie I starred in during my film school days is now on YouTube.com. Click on this link now,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgT8jUngsgs



watch it and rate it FIVE stars. It doesn't matter if you didn't like it. Help us make this famous. With a FIVE star rating, it will get on the honours board (best rated for the day, most watched etc) and make the top 100 - where more new people will see it.

Toxic Waste increases have led to the dead rising from the grave with one purpose, to feast on the living. What starts as a simple backyard attack escalates into a full scale assault on the city. For two local tough guys the epidemic is no big deal, they are too busy putting a dent in a bottle of whiskey to care.

Then their local hotel is infested.
And their favourite bartender is eaten alive.

So they have no alternative but to declare war on the undead. With the help of an axe and a length of piping, the shit is truly going to hit the fan...

taken from http://www.geocities.com/shoddyhorror/


Oh the good times we had making this film. My film school buddies Simon 'Beef' Johnson and Sam Fuller have been the back bone of 'Shoddy Horror Pictures' and I'm proud to say that I have been part of it. Enjoy.

Btw, we made a sequel to this film a 2 years later called Bloody Hell 2 (1998). If people like part one... i'll upload part 2 soon! for more details about all of us and Shoddy Horror Pictures, check out http://www.geocities.com/shoddyhorror/

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I wonder about things

As i sit in front of my screen, my mind starts to ponder on some of life's oddities.
I'm sure there are explainations for all these. A simple 'google' search could probably answer all of these. But I can't be bothered to find the answers myself. So I just ask the questions.

1. Have you ever wondered, why it is that everything you eat turns in to shit brown EXCEPT for corn, which stays whole and bright yellow?
2. Have you ever wondered, what the use of pubic hair is for? Is it for nude eskimos to keep warm?
3. Have you ever wondered, if tonsils can be removed, then why are they there to begin with?
4. Have you ever wondered, how easy it is watch TV than it is to read a book?
5. Have you ever wondered, how the hell that short, ugly, spectacle wearing geek managed to snag that super model? Why is that? Seriously, why? how?
6. Have you ever wondered, why eating is easier than dieting?
7. Have you ever wondered, if they really did go to the moon?
8. Have you ever wondered, exactly how many chinese people there are in the world?
9. Have you ever wondered, what would happen if you bash your own testicles in with a baseball bat?
10. Have you ever wondered, if you could change something in your past, what would it be? Would that change really make any difference in your life today?
11. Have you ever wondered, if you would survive if the evevator suddenly plumetted to the ground floor from the 10th floor? 20th floor?
12. Have you ever wondered, how long it would take to watch 'The Bold and the Beautiful' back to back from start to finish?
13. Have you ever wondered, what if all women had big boobs, would men find small boobs more attractive then?
14. Have you ever wondered, if you could be a pornstar, would you?
15. Have you ever wondered, if you had your own private jet, where would you go?
16. Have you ever wondered, if there was a Lochness Monster, why haven't we seen it yet? What about Big Foot or Aliens?
17. Have you ever wondered, if Eva Longoria was not in 'Desperate Housewives', would it be such a hit?
18. Have you ever wondered, if 'Seinfeld' was still on T.V, how many more 'have you ever wondered-jokes' can you sit through?
19. Have you ever wondered, if you had superpowers, would you use it for good or evil?
20. Have you ever wondeded, how many more dumb ass lists like this one do you have to endure in your internet surfing experience?

Monday, September 18, 2006

How to save the Airlines

My fellow Americans,

Here are some of my suggestions on how to save our fleeting Airline industry. Firstly, dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!
What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party
atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman
in this country would start flying again,hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need
a salary, thus saving even more money.

I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for
working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances
and "special services."

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women.
Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would
see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it
right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this?!

Why do I still have to do everything?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

Monday, September 11, 2006

BiskutNaga's Best of Women 2006

September 11, the only twin towers here are in a bra. This is, in my opinion, my pick for the 10 most beautiful, hottest, all-round, all-time women in the world that I can think of at this moment of the morning for 2006. These are in no particular order, but for the sake of a 'top-ten-list' they are in order of my preference, but honestly it all very marginal. Making this list is as good as being number one. Everyone should be number one in her own right.


Number 10:- ANNE HATHAWAY (Best Newcomer & Hollywood's next-big-thing)

An actress whose first big screen gig also proved to be her breakthrough, Anne Hathaway became a familiar face to millions of movie goers thanks to her starring role in Garry Marshall's 2001 hit The Princess Diaries. Cast as a clumsy high school girl who finds out she is the princess of a small country, Hathaway was able to prove her comedic timing opposite no less than Julie Andrews. Soon to be staring in 'The devil wears Prada' with Meryl Streep. This girl will be A-list in no time.











Number 9:- MICHELLE RYAN (The Next Best UK export after Zeta Jones)

Honestly, I don't know much about her and I've never seen an episode of Eastenders, I just stumbled across her picture while surfing the net one day and thought she was gorgeous. Michelle Ryan is a television actress who was born in Enfield, Middlesex on the 22 April 1984. Michelle has appeared Eastenders, Cashback, Comic Relief, Burnside, The Worst Witch, Fair Is Foul & Fouls Are Fair to mention a few. She is hot. I predict she will be the next Catherine Zeta. So look out for her.











Number 8:- KATHARINE MCPHEE (Best American Idol & next singing superstar)

Although she came in second in this years American Idol, she will no doubt be a singing sensation. She has the talent to be big on all mediums. Just look at her, don't tell me you don't think she is mad-ass pretty. Not to mention the fact that she can sing. Her album will be out soon. The sciencetology thing might be a problem, but we can work around it.













Number 7:- TERA PATRICK (Best Pornstar)

In 2000, she made the transition to hard-core porn in Andrew Blake's Aroused. Since that time, she has become one of the most popular and recognized porn stars in the world, having graced the pages of Playboy and Penthouse, where she was a "Pet of the Month" and was selected as "Pet of the Year" runner-up, as well as having appeared in more than seventy adult features. Tera is noted for her sultry voice and her aroused and enthusiastic portrayals of sex. Because of this, she has won several awards from the adult-movie business organizations. Today, she hosts the popular webcast The Tera Patrick Show and she is active in the adult film community, raising money for both the Free Speech Coalition and A.I.M Healthcare. Plus, she is the number one reason Blindness is on the rise. Awesome. Simply awesome.







Number 6:- LINDSAY LOHAN (Best Gossip Column Girl and token redhead of this list)

You can't pick up a magazine, newspaper or tabloid without an article that has something to do with Lindsay. I loved both of her in the 'Parent Trap' and she was awesome in 'Mean Girls'. I think the public should give her a break and leave her alone, but then again, when she bounces around attracting attention like she does, I guess she deserves it.













Number 5:- ALICIA SILVERSTONE (Best All-time Blonde Girl and token blonde of this list)

From the moment I saw her in that Aerosmith video 'Cryin', I knew I was hooked on Alicia. She scared the crap out of me in 'Crush' but I was strangly attracted to all the possessiveness. 'Clueless' is still my all-time favorite teen-high school comedy movie. I honestly don't understand why her TV series 'Miss Match' was cancelled. It left me cryin, crushed and clueless.











Number 4:- NIGELLA LAWSON (Best Domestic Goddess)

Nigella Lawson is one of the UK's most influential food writers, with a growing international reputation and several bestselling books to her name as well as the BBC Channel 4 television series, Nigella Bites. I never thought I'd be so mesmerized while watching a cooking show. Watching her cook is more than enough for me. Her style is notoriously simple, lazy and messy. And yet her food look so damn delicious. She is voluptuous. A cook, a wife and a mother. She is all woman. There aren't many women like her these days. Thank god I'm married to one.










Number 3:- KELLY BROOK (Best 'She's so damn hot it makes me weep' Girl)

Discovered by the Daily Star, Kelly started to appear in various British men's magazines like "Loaded". The British tabloids were also not slow to catch on to her alluring looks and she became a favorite, particularly with male magazines, which became interested in her obvious qualities. Kelly's career really took off when she was announced as the successor to Denise Van Outen alongside Johnny Vaugn on the 'The Big Breakfast'. It wasn't long before hollywood noticed, and now she is making waves, most notably as Lex Luther's girlfriend in TV's Smallville. She recently starred in a 'Miss Marple' drama on ITV. She caused a minor controversy over her most recent film Survival Island (previously known as Three), in which she co-starred with fiancé Billy Zane, when Brook and Zane requested her nude scenes be excised from the final cut, which the producers refused to do.







Number 2:- KEELEY HAZEL (The Best Centerfold and Page 3 girl)

In a nutshell, she is the next Kelly Brook. There is a rumor that her breasts are fake. She says they are real. And that is good enough for me. Either way what does it matter? Its all good. Incidentally, staring at her picture for prolonged periods have been proven to lower blood pressure and cure headaches. I recommend a morning regime of 3 reps 30 minute stares followed by a hot shower.












Number 1:- JENNIFER CONNELLY (The Best All-Time Hollywood Actress)

Yes thats right. Jenny C. Ever since Labyrinth, Career Opportunities and The Rocketeer, Jenny opitimizes all that is Hollywood. For many years friends and family have wondered why I liked her so much. It wasn't until she won an Oscar for best actress did everyone understand. If I were to make a movie, she would be the first one on the casting sheet regardless what the movie was about.

And thats about it for now. I will revise this list periodically. But until then feel free to comment on my picks. I'm sure not everyone will agree. And yes I prefer brunettes.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

The self proclaimed Soccer Gurus of Asia


The English Premier soccer league has just started on its 2006/2007 season. And with this comes the excitement and anticipation of weekly soccer games shown live on all local sports TV channels. We here in Asia love our soccer. We need our dose of adrenaline every weekend. Its a shame the Malaysian soccer team sucks. Ranked second last in the world, just above the island nation of Guam who probably kick our ass. But that's a whole nother post on how pathetic our national team is. Anyway, radio soccer programs, are few and far between. Only one is worthy of mention.

These two friends of mine, Manvir and Sheldon, self proclaimed Soccer Gurus of Asia, have a weekly drive-time call-in radio show called 'Toyota Football Fever'. Very entertaining for soccer fans and absolutely annoying if you're not. There is minimal music so expect nothing but mindless expert banter for the entire duration of the show. The team I support is the great Blue team from Liverpool called Everton FC . Not to be mistaken for the Red team, Liverfools FC. If you can't differentiate between Blue and Red, then you my friend, are color blind and should not be driving. Incidentally these two radio DJ's are massive Liverspool fans. Which brings me to my next point, which is, Can these two be unbiased when making their observations and comments? No they can not. It is physically impossible for them to do so. Liverpool fans have a funny way of being blindly arrogant yet coy with their words. If you can imagine a bull charging at you. They are somewhat unrelenting. Much like Manchester United fans only they smell slightly better. Only very marginally slightly better, mind you. For what its worth... check them out.

Their website is http://www.soccergurusasia.com.
Or just click the newly improved banner I made for them.

ahhaahhhahahhahahahah cheers guys.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Crocodile Hunter Stevie Erwin bites the dust

Yes that's right, the Croc hunter is dead. For real this time. Just a few days ago, steve was killed while filming a documentary about the worlds deadliest creatures. Oh the irony. Oddly enough, there was a rumor that was circulating a few years back saying he was killed by a crocodile. This time it really happened. Some say it was a freak accident. He was swimming too close to a deadly species of Sting ray when he suddenly was poked through the heart by its poisonous tail!

This guy was a hell of a good bloke. A great ambassador of animals and for conservation. An Australian icon. But at the end of the day, if you play with fire, you're gonna get burnt. How many close calls was it gonna take before something like this was to happen? Freak accident? I somehow don't think so. Animals are far more intelligent than we give them credit for. I'm sure this guy was a 'marked man' in the Animal Kingdom. A mass email was sent out to take this guy out. It was just a case of one to many 'Leave us animals alone' that he chose to ignore. All for the sake of our entertainment and education.
You think I'm kidding. I'm not. It was his time to go. I will miss him and I will continue to mimic his 'oh crickey!' when something amazes me.

His death was caught on video by the way. The question is, which sick bastard is gonna leak it out on to the net? Or will we see it in 'Faces of Death 3'? Will you watch it, if it comes to your email tomorrow?

I think I will. You just got to see it. Curiosity is immense.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Service Industry


Can I just say... why are you working in a service based industry if you cannot handle servicing people.
The nature of this industry is............ SERVICE.
Why are waitresses so pissed off at you for changing your mind. For crap sake, nobody asked you to fail all your classes at school. Nobody told you that by dropping out of school you will succeed in life. Nobody told you to get pregnant. At the end of the day, you are in your situation because YOU made it so. So stop taking your anger out on poor innocent customers who just want to have their coffees and go. Why can't all waitresses be like the Hooters girls? Now this is someone who loves their job. Big tits and a tight t-shirt, whatelse do you need? Its all smiles here.

Toll booth operators... here in Malaysia we have an obsene amount of roads. To use these roads, motorist must pay a toll. This is the governments way of making back their money and then some. This is all well and good. My problem is with the damn toll booth operators. Granted, its not most fulfilling job in the world and you dont need a Bio-mechanical Engineering degree to get a job but honestly, there is no need to be perpetually in a crappy mood and almost always pissed off. I'm saying why not make the best of your job. Be the best that you can be at it. No where in the world but Malaysia, does the customer have to say 'Thank You' to the seller. I find myself apologetic if I dont give them the exact change for the toll fare. One time I got so pissed off with the whole thing, I paid a 2 dollar toll charge with 1 cent coins. Thats 200 pieces. Guess what happen next. The bitch ass toll operator told me to take my coins back and go on through. She'd rather let me go without paying, then to take my money. She probably didn't want to count the coins. Point being that instead of thanking me for paying, and doing the country a service by taking 1 cent coins out of circulation, she cursed me and got pissed off.
Again, DONT BE IN A SERVICE BASED INDUSTRY if you cant handle servicing people................

 Does anyone still use this???   Seriously.....