Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Coca Cola The Miracle Solution

Here now... a word from our sponsors.

DID YOU KNOW THAT COCA COLA HAS SO MANY OTHER APPLICATIONS?

1. In the United States of America, the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the 'real thing' sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.


ADDITIONAL USEFUL INFORMATION:
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) the commercial trucks must use a hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean engines of the trucks for about 20 years
..emmmm................................. I feel a little thirsty...... I think I'll have........ a Coke.
(source :- forwarded email from Daryl Sui ..thanks Daryl!)

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lord of the Dumb Ass Ring

2007 was a really crap year for movies. Apart from '300' and 'The Transformers Movie', the rest were somewhat forgettable and did not live up to expectation. Even with the plethora of pirated DVDs on offer here, I find myself uninspired to purchase new movies, even at these rediculously low prices. So, in my boredom, I recently completed watching the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Over 3 days mind you, I'm not crazy enough to watch it back to back, that is a 10 hour ordeal! Now this brings me to my post.

After watching it again, I have one question. Why the hell didn't Gandalf the all knowing git, simply get the damn giant Eagles to fly Frodo to the mountain of Mordor to begin with? Or for that matter, fly HIMSELF to the mountain! I see no reason to drag these four borderline-gay-Hobbits through hell and back, when all Gandalf had to do was to carry the Ring himself to mountain and destroy it. In 'The Two Towers' Gandalf had the power to summon the Eagles to his rescue (via the help from a Butterfly don't forget). So he could have easily called for them at the meeting of the Fellowship at the start of the first movie. Total time? One hour at the most, Sauron and his massive army..... dead. Problem solved.


If you argue that Gandalf would not be able to withstand the Ring's evil pull, I say, he sure didn't have a problem with the Saruman magic-eye-orb thing that he simply covered with a towel. In any case don't tell me he can't resist the Ring for one hour of flying time? He doesn't have to wear it round his neck.. just wrap it up in his towel. Done.

If you argue that the evil flying Nazgol will stop the Eagles, I say, it was the Eagles that came to the rescue to kill them at the end of 'Return of the King'. Moreover, with Gandalf riding the Eagle, his magic staff would emit that blinding light that the Nazgol is afraid off (as seen in 'Return of the King' also). So fly in, drop ring in lava, go home and celebrate.

Instead, 10 hours of movie, Frodo almost killing himself, Golumn the nut, mountains, trolls, massive battles, and lets not forget the fact that it took Frodo and pals 12 months to go and come home. Poor bastards.

I'm only writing as I feel kind of cheated in a way, because even the author, after all the hardship indured to destroy the ring, J.R.R Tolkien then simply wrote, "...and Gandalf rescued Frodo and Sam from the mountain with the help of the Eagles", which to me, was him being fed-up and just wanted to wrap up his book after writing pages and pages of shit.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

My Top 10 Favourite Disney Women of All Time

Its that time again for another Top 10 list. This time we look at the magical world of Disney. You may have seen this list before while randomly surfing the net, and so I just thought I'd might as well do mine. My right of passage to the Internet gods perhaps? Anyway, the beauty about these pixel based women, is they never grow old and will always look as pristine as the day they were drawn. One sick thing about this, is also the fact that now, my father, my son and I may share the same lustful view of them and its perfectly fine!
This list will not include animal-type characters like Duchess from 'Aristocats' or Feline from 'Bambi' as that too might be a little too far! Even for me. No doubt they are worthy of being on this list for other reasons of course, mind you. I will start with number 10 and work my way to my all time favourite. I hope you agree with my selection. If not, let me know in the comments section. I love to hear from you. So here we go!

Number 10:- Ariel from 'The Little Mermaid'

I know I said no animal-types but come on, she is at least half human. Don't forget, she does turn into full human at the end of the movie, so no worries. Perhaps underage at the time of the film, but I like to imagine that by 2008, she's all grown up and mature. Definately smoking hot as she wears nothing but sea shells the whole time and that firey carefree personality is always going to be a hit at parties. Also, she is perpetually wet, so thats got to be good, right?









Number 9:- Pocahontas from 'Pocahontas'

Poke a hont's ass... Ah yes, the blood of the true American woman. There is something very sexy about that untamed, wild and hot native american woman. Naive in the ways of western love, these women await to be conquered. I wasn't to keen on this movie however. The only other good thing to have come out of this film is the Vanessa William's song 'Colors of the Wind'. Oh and did I mention I love that long black silky smooth hair, worthy of any Shampoo T.V ad. I imagine she smells nice for some reason, although there was no soap at the time, I'm sure those native Indians had some other natural alternative, like crushed berries and Bison milk or something.







Number 8:- Giselle from 'Enchanted'

Honestly, I prefer the animated Giselle rather than the actress who portrays her in human form, Amy Adams. Some how that red haired freckled face tart just doesn't quite live up to my expectation of a Disney princess. Since 'Enchanted' was released in 2007, Giselle is suppose to epitomize a "Disney Woman", encompassing all of the previous princesses characteristics like Cinderella and Snow White. Somehow I feel no actress would adequately fill these massive shoes and do this role justice. Suffice to say that we should leave fantasy where it belongs, in the fantasy world.







Number 7:- Megara from 'Hercules'

From Greek mythology times, the term 'goddess' never been more appropriate until now. Megara truly is a stunner. She wears, what has to be the softest cotton outfit ever made. The lightest of breezes would undress her. Strong, sexy and able to tame Hercules himself. Makes one wonder if any mere mortal would be man enough for such a woman. Hercules was invited by Zeus to live in Olympus, which was indeed originally his wish, but he decides to live his life on earth as a mortal with Megara. Although he will eventually die, he believes that even an immortal life without Megara would be empty. Enough said.







Number 6:- Jane from 'Tarzan'

Jane just screams hotness. You've got to love the tie and white gloves. Prim, proper and British what more do you want. One concern of course is the fact that she digs the swinging Orangutan type of a man. She likes her man raw and wild. Perhaps she thinks she can tame him or perhaps she is looking to unleash her inner whore-ness through wild animal sex with a sexual beast like Tarzan. We hope for the latter.










Number 5:- Babette/Fifi from 'Beauty and the Beast'

The feather duster from 'Beauty and the Beast' is a minor character with a distinct personality. She is alluring and prissy, can make shallow choices, but has a caring heart. Her animation design is cute and her voicing is tres French. Now for the pressing question...what is her name? In the sequels, she is Fi-Fi, in the musical, she is Babette! Or...are they twins?!? Babette/Fi-Fi in a word is FEMININE. Her famous line from the movie, "Oh, Lumiere, we must do somezing!". French chamber maid? Clean my sheets when I done.








Number 4:- Esmerelda from 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'

She's a firecracker with social consciences. And boy can she dance! But...what's up with her and that goat? I don't know if the fact that Esmerelda voice was done by Demi Moore or that Demi had just finish making the movie Striptease, but I can tell you her dance moves with a pole was all the rage. Those green eyes and that intense gypsy sexual energy is all I care about. Oh lets not forget that she can tolerate that irritating singing Hunchback. Thank god she doesn't fall for him, then she would be one of those sick, mental chicks and we wouldn't want that to happen.








Number 3:- Aurora from 'Sleeping Beauty'

Aurora, my first love. I think, 'Sleeping Beauty' was the first Disney movie I saw. Princess Aurora is named after the Roman goddess of the dawn "because she fills her father and mother's lives with sunshine." A very beautiful young woman, with shining blond hair, rose-red lips, attractive eyes, and a beautiful singing voice. Here is a tip, if you want a man to wake you with a kiss, go to sleep in full make up and hold a rose.










Number 2:- Jessica Rabbit from 'Who framed Roger Rabbit?'

Although it was made by the Disney studio, the film was released under the Disney subsidiary Touchstone Pictures to save face for Disney, from some of the film's potentially objectionable content.
I think I can safely say, Jessica Rabbit is simply too much woman for any man. Period. I guess thats why she is with a rabbit. A crazy one at that. Only a rabbit would be able to satisfy a woman like Jessica. Ever here the term 'hump like rabbits'? Just look at that hair, those lips and of course those gravity defying boobs all make for one hell of a super woman. Kathleen Turner's husky voice did this pixel vixen justice as you can imagine yourself losing control of your man juice as she calls you over to her side of the bed for a hug. If you even get that far that is.





AND FINALLY

Number 1:- Belle from 'Beauty and the Beast'

My all time, all favorite, all lovely number one pick... Belle. From the first scene where she sings about the baker and his tray, I was hooked. Lets see, she is a brunette, she's European, she is smart, she likes to read, she has a wild imagination, she would do anything to for her father and most of all, she does not fall for the idiot jock. She likes you for who you are on the inside. She does not care about how you look, only that you are kind and decent to her. Women like Belle are few and far in between, and if you find one, you should hang on the her like the Ring from 'Lord of the Rings'. Although innocent in the ways of love, she seemed not at phased of the prospect of being mounted by her half man half wilder beast boyfriend, now THAT is a woman. Oh so lovely Belle.

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