Thursday, October 28, 2010

When it rains in Jakarta

For me Jakarta has always been a destination of choice but yesterday, I was greeted with what only can be described as liquid hell. It was as if the skys opened up a wept tears of anger. This populous nation was clearly overwhelmed with the immense sudden quantity of rain that drenched the city. What should have been a relatively short drive from the airport to the city center became a torturous 5 hour ordeal.


Personally, I believe that the floods are as a result of too much shit in the sewer system. With over 100 million people, all shitting at once, where does it all go? Surely it has all clogged up the storm drains and pipes. Never mind that Jakarta city sits below sea-level, it has to be the shit that is causing these highway shit-rivers.

Just goes to show, that shit is eternal.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

My Mandatory Birthday Blurb 2010

Yes its that time again.. one more year has passed.. and I am older by one year. As you can see, I've not written anything for over 2 months. Very slack of me I know. Even then, in may, it was a copy paste article. Maybe its because Blogging is so 5 years ago? Nah, that's just a lame excuse. I'm just lazy, I always have been I suppose. Almost 'sloth-like' as my mom would put it.

Kudos to Simon for his expansive blurbs about the World Cup which has just concluded. He, of course is the reason I started my blog years ago, and I'm glad to see that he is still going strong with his surprising interest in soccer. Must be all those years working in London.

What has happened in the last 12 months? Goodness, so many things to recall. I've been doing my usual traveling around Asia for work. It was nice to have my family with me one of those outings, a sort of working holiday in Phuket, that was fun. My son is now in first grade at a government school. We had to adjust to the lack of attention the teachers have for our child due to the student to teacher ratio. Also having to adjust to waking up early to send him to school. Just when you thought, as you get older you didn't have to do that anymore. One of life's bitter irony. And I just stubbed my toe on the way to the kitchen. Oh God it hurts more than usual. My daughter is almost 2 years old, and as the day go by, I find myself thinking of the fool that would eventually be called 'boyfriend' and that makes me very upset. I will kill that dweeb or anyone else that would threaten to spoil my precious.

My wife, of now 8 years, is still by my side and forever the voice of reason in my otherwise loony world. She still manages to bring a smile to my face at times of darkness and ever ready to shake my core with words of 'where is my house you promised me??'. Soon darling, soon... I say. Hopefully, one day, we will achieve our goals together.
Anyway, here is a list of famous people that share my birthday:-
1. Jesse 'The Body' Ventura (15-Jul-1951) WWF Wrestler turned Governor of Minnesota and was the dude in Predator with the vulcan machine gun.
2. Jan-Michael Vincent (15-Jul-1944) Sting Fellow Hawk from 80s TV series Airwolf.
3. Kim Alexis (15-Jul-1960) Top 1980s model
4. Brian Austin Green (15-July-1973) David Silver from 90s TV series Beverly Hills 90210
5. Eddie Griffin (15-July-1968) Star of Undercover Brother and was the pimp in Deuce Bigalow. Remember the phrase "Dont make me he-bitch-man-slap you!"
6. Ayatollah Khamenei  (15-Jul-1939) Supreme leader of Iran
7. Brigitte Nielsen (15-Jul-1963) Stared in Red Sonja and was married to Sly Stallone
8. Rembrandt (15-Jul-1606) Painted Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Tulp
Judging from this list, people born on this day, can either be great people in history or really crappy actors. So far I'm neither.... well, I did do a sub-standard commentating job for The Le Tour de Langkawi cycling race for TV, does that count?  A friend of mine put my name forward to do this, with absolutely zero knowledge of cycling, I foolishly said 'Yes'. Talk about undergoing the steepest learning curve ever. On the first day, I yelled out "and the guy in blue won!"... but at least by the end of the week I think I managed to sound like I knew what I was saying.

So here is to the next year ahead, and as always I give myself some massive boobs to stare at, just because I can.

Here is Jordan Carver, she is from Germany and is currently trying to dethrone big boob legend, Denise Milani as the number one internet pinup girl. Her boob to waist ratio is unreal. Surreal almost. Really. Just take a look!

nuff said.......................

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

The Man Rules

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally,the guys' side of the story.
(must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear
"the rules"
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1.    Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.    Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1.    Crying is blackmail.

1.    Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1.    Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.    Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1.    Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1.    If you think you're fat, you probably are..
Don't ask us.

1.    If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the
 other one

1.    You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1.    Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1.    Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1.    ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not 
color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1.    If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1.    If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1.    If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1.    When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine..Really

1.    Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or
motor sports

1.    You have enough clothes.

1.    You have too many shoes.

1.    I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1.    Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Photoshop Tennis Match 2 (after 14 rounds)

Photoshop is a wonderful thing. Thank god for illegal copies here in Asia, otherwise I would have to fork out thousands, like the rest of the world. Moving on, here we have match 2 of Simon and Ozi's Photoshop Tennis grand-slam extravaganza. This new starting image chosen by Simon poses a whole new set of challenges. First of, its a smaller image. Second, its an image with minimal depth. Third, its littered with little lighting and Gaussian blur "potholes" to fall into. I look forward to this one. I will edit the paragraph below to tell you of the changes made in each round. I'll try and make it as interesting a read for those who read this after the match is over.

Simon starts by adding a the image from Match 1 into one of the frames. I then do the same by inserting a production snap shot of our student film made in 1998 called Bloody Hell 2. Simon then made the freak from The Ring crawl out of another painting. That's plain creepy. Then Thundercats to the rescue. Look! its the idol from Indiana Jones up for grabs. In round 6, I kill Spongebob. Do you remember Ghostbusters 2? Well there is Vigo the painting. In round 8, I think we need more awareness about Tigers. See if you can spot more things we've added on after 14 rounds. I really love this game. Can't wait for match 3!


Click to enlarge.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Photoshop Tennis (updated after Round 22)

First and foremost, Happy New Year. Just the other day, I was talking to my fellow blogger, Mr Shoddy Simon, and I was telling him how uninspired I was to write on my blog these days. So, the ingenious Beef recommended I focus my blog around stuff I do with Photoshop. I agree.

And so we start 2010 with a game of Photoshop Tennis. Its a game where you start with one image and then using Photoshop (obviously) you add something and then send it to the other person. Then he adds something and sends it back. I guess if you want to waste time, do it creatively. For this we used a nice image of Venice, Italy, at night.

click to enlarge

This is what we have after 20 rounds. Simon started with the guy in the sleeping bag. Then I put in Ariel from the Little Mermaid. Then Simon put in Batman and the Bat signal. I've put in Freddy Kruger. Then Simon put a man on fire and I called in King Kong. Simon felt we needed some security with ED 209 and I think The Dark Side of the force can help. In round 8, Simon made Dr. Zoidberg float on water of which I replied with the Alien from Aliens. Round 10 and 11 sees Simon adding the two grumpy old men from the Muppets and me adding Gemma Atkinson, because whenever possible, you must have Gemma in any picture. The ghost of Michael Jackson's past haunts us and I just realized we need a soft drink sponsor. Round 15-16, Godzilla thinks its Japan and Spiderman is wondering about the guy in the sleeping bag. Oh look its the Skeckies from Dark Crystal and I like Stewie Griffin. Round 19-20 sees Simon open a Porky's branch while I help some Philippine kids escape a flooded waters. And finally, a caterpillar and a gymnast completes the picture.

I must say this Background image of Venice at night is mighty tough. Simon will post his addition on The Shoddy Blog. Let see what madness we can come up with!


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