Hell in a jar 'Traditional Food Bird Pepper'

I'd like to share with you my recent culinary experience. As you know, we like our food here in Asia spicy, and so Tobascco sauce or chilli condements are always ready near by with every meal. This time, while enjoying a nice slice of Pizza Hut's Hawaiian with some friends, I was offered to try this, Traditional Food Bird Pepper. Bird Pepper? you ask. Exactly. Made in Taiwan, this is a nasty blend of chillies, peppers, oils and probably dwarf toe clippings thrown in for good luck. Not one to shy away from a food tasting challenge. I innocently caked on a spoonful of 'goo' on my slice and proceeded to take a lion's bite. After 3 chews, i suddenly felt the fury of Taiwanese peasant women from the slopes of Gwan-Dong. I could feel the back of my throat begin to burn. I started losing the taste buds on my tougue. My eyes began to tear up. My nose began to run. And then as if this wasn't bad enough, all of the 'Bird Pepper' bits start to cling on to my tonsils. I began to choke. Gasping and struggling, i grabbed the nearest beverage and swallowed, hard. After recovering from this first bite of hell, I took another. The experience was absolutely wonderful. Needless to say, after we finished the Pizza, my stomach was curning. I felt diarrea attackes for the rest of the day. Finally the next morning, i was greeted by my arse singing the song 'Arses of Fire'. And I'd do it all again. I strongly recommend trying Traditional Food Bird Pepper, available at your local china town deli, if not, drop me line, i'll hook you up.

And the loser is Katharine McPhee

What a finale! Two hours of pure entertainment. This marks the end of a great season of American Idol. The worthy winner, the soulful grey haired freak, Taylor Hicks. Am I sad? Yes and No. Yes because Katharine was my pick to win. She is so damn hot she makes me want to cry. No because I actually enjoy watching Taylor perform. He is a way better entertainer and at the end of the day, people want to be entertained. Katharine may be technically superior, but if you want superior sound, by an expensive HiFi System. Both of them, nay, all the 12 finalist are winners. They all will be famous and they all will get their minute in the spotlight. The Idol Concert roadshow kicks off immediately across America and they all will be adored by the millions that voted. Some will get record deals, some will be on Broadway, some will end up in vegas and some will even die. Only time will tell who will truly be great and last as long as Kelly Clarkson, or longer like Prince and Dione Warwick. And if all else fails, Playboy will offer a Zillion Dollars to Katharine to do a Pictorial. And we will all buy that issue!

VOTE Tonight wei.. VOTE.. la

McPhans,
Tonight is the night. There are no more performances next week. This will be your last chance to show your support for Katharine.
Katharine needs everyone to power vote for her tonight for the entire voting period. Text voting is the best way to get the most votes, but if that isn't possible...dial, listen for that angelic voice thanking you for your vote, hang up, hit redial, repeat. Please make sure to balance your votes between the 3 phone lines.
We will be proud of Katharine no matter what happens tonight, but I don't want to see her dissapointed, and I am sure you feel the same way.
It is up to you to make sure we see that beautiful smile tomorrow night.
It's been a great ride, thanks to everyone for their support of Kat.
Now, let's make our girl the next American Idol.

Katharine McPhee is in the Final Two of American Idol

Yes that's right, as I picked it from the start, Katharine McPhee is in the final 2. In dramatic fashion, the votes were split almost equally amongst the 3 finalist. Alas, zero point zero something of you just didn't like the way Elliot Yamin looked and so out goes the soulful goofy Jew boy. To be honest, they are all so good, all 3 will get a record deal so no real losers. Even Chris the Rocker is being wooed but record companies as we speak.

I must confess however, something deep down inside me thinks Taylor Hicks will win. Why? I read (http://www.realitytvmagazine.com/blog/2006/05/american_idol_c_3.html ) that Elliot fans were pissed at Katharine for being so damn happy in contrast to Taylor who was clearly sad his friend is out. Elliot fans will vote for Taylor. Another factor is Taylor is the underdog, and we all know how the American public loves the underdog. PLUS the fact that Taylor is unique, like Clay was, except prettier. ALSO we love that Micheal McDonald/Joe Cocker/Bruce Springsteen voice taylor has. AND the fact that there are one too many Kelly/Brittany-type stars.

Having said all that, you CANNOT deny Katharine's voice. You CANNOT deny her drop-dead-gorgeous looks. You CANNOT deny her immense marketability. She has the ability to be the next SUPERSTAR in all mediums. We will have to wait and see how America votes. Remember, these are the same people that voted for that Bush fella........ TWICE.

BiskutNaga's An Idiot's guide to Idiots

As a follow up from last week's post, How to properly slap somebody, I bring you 'BiskutNaga's An Idiots Guide to Idiots' Instructional DVD. Firstly, what constitutes as being an idiot? Web definitions defines Idiots as being:

Mental retardation (also called mental handicap and the UK Mental Health Act (1983) defines mental impairment and severe mental impairment) is a term for a pattern of persistently slow learning of basic motor and language skills ("milestones") during childhood, and a significantly below-normal global intellectual capacity as an adult. One common criterion for diagnosis of mental retardation is a tested intelligence quotient (IQ) below 70.

This is all well and good however, this guide is not to 'put-down' mentally retarded people or children. Most definitely not to those who were born with it or in otherwords 'been given a raw deal' here on Earth. No. This guide is to give a better understanding on how to handle the dumbass that has had an education, that has had a good upbringing, has had all the the joys that life has to offer AND YET turn out to be, for lack of a better word... AN IDIOT.

This guide helps you better understand for example, why an idiot would leave a tap running in the public toilet or run a red light or cut the queue. It helps you deal with the anger and emotion that idiots will invoke in you. Many of us are exposed or subject to idiots on a daily basis. Health studies have shown that prolonged exposure to idiots can cause brain damage and heart failure. It has not been proven however if exposure to idiots is contagious. We do recommend you exercise extreme caution.



If you get stressed out at idiots on a daily or hourly basis, then this instructional DVD is for you. If you have been diagnosed with High Blood Pressure Due To Prolonged Exposure To Idiots (HBPDTPETI Syndrome), then this DVD is for you. The exercises and breathing techniques within, will help you overcome your ailments. The 10 step Anger Management regime will be invaluable to you. Used inconjuction with 'How to properly slap somebody' instructional DVD, you will be well on your way to an Idiot Free life.

For more information and ordering instructions email us at ihateidiots@whyhavewebeenblessedwithidiots.com or call us at our crisis center toll free number 1-800-NO-IDIOTS (1-800-66-434687).

How to properly Slap somebody

In this weeks post I want to discuss the proper technique of Slapping someone. First and foremost, for an effective Slap to succeed, Anger is an important component. Without Anger there is no adrenaline build up and thus your power will not be optimal. There are basically two types of Slap. One is the Tight Slap and the other is called the Bitch Slap. The main difference between the two is the length between your backswing and followthrough of your arm swing. I will elaborate further.

The Tight Slap

First lets begin with your stance. With the Tight Slap you need not set a stance. Standing with both your feet parallel to the targets feet is sufficient. Shoulders square. As the name suggests, the object here is to slap the person without notice by keeping the motion 'tight'. Surprise is key.

Raise your arm quickly with forearm and elbow at 90 degrees. Fingers close together with palm facing the cheekbone area. Distance is quite close to the targets face, approximately 30 centimeters. Now hinge from your elbow in a forward motion towards the face. Make sure you lead with palm. Also hinge at the wrist with your fingers pointing at 2 o'clock.

Just before making contact with the face, abruptly stop the motion to unhinge your wrist as this will release the fingers. Important, your fingers and hand must stay firm to provide the platform for maximum coverage ratio of face area to hand. Finish the move with your hand stopping where the check was once present.

The Bitch Slap

Now this is a full body motion. This is the slap to end all slaps. This slap is friendship ending and is the last thing you do to the other person before you sever all ties.

Again we start with the stance. For the Bitch Slap, if you are right handed, you want to start with your left foot forward. Better yet, take a step forward with your left foot and plant it. In the same motion, raise your right hand as in the Tight Slap, but this time incorporate a big shoulder turn. You should feel your back is to the target and you should be looking over your left shoulder.

Now to start the forward motion, initiate the move with your right shoulder. Violently rotate your hips and shoulder to unleash hell. Strike the face with the force of hurricane Katrina. Release all anger from within. You should feel your soul cleansing. A feeling of somewhat being reborn . The move is finished when your right shoulder has rotated all the way through. Your focus here is to maintain followthrough until target has fallen to the floor. Finally I recommend taking a deep breath before and exhale at impact. Thank you for your time.

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