Seriously, enough of Brad and Angelina

I thought I was done talking about this in my earlier post. I really don't know where to start. Today, while reading the morning paper, I was stupified to find yet another article about Brad, Angelina and Shiloh. Madame Tussauds wax fellas have made a wax statue of the baby as well. I don't think I have ever used the F-word in my blog so far but I think this justifies some swearing. So skip the next few lines if you don't like hearing your inner voice swear. But what the flying horse fucking cock sucking cunt crapping monkey manure is all this zebra shit about!!!! I mean can we give it a rest?? Lebanon is being ass fucked by the Jews and we got nothing better to do than to go to a wax museum and pose in a picture next to these three fools as if to later, try to fool our friends that the Pitts invited you over to 'see the baby'. Fuck that! for a I'm-a-friend-of the-family joke. I swear, this pisses me off so much that which I could video tape blow torching it down. Then send the video in melted wax to them with the message. 'Disappear from this earth until Shitloh is old enough to go to military school. Then wait until he gets raped by a mountain goat. If not I will hunt you down and stab your Tomb Troy Raider faces with a spoon!!'. Enough la.... please.... enough.

Jakarta.... Its just crazy there.

Just got home from one of Asia's maddest city, Jakarta, Indonesia. After spending 5 days in Jakarta, I don't think I'll ever complain about life in Kuala Lumpur. The saying "there is no place like home" rings so true. With a population of 240 million and 14 million in Jakarta alone, its a wonder why the Island of Java hasn't sank yet. Just hours before I landed, there was a tremor or 'mild' earthquake that shook the city. In fact, just one day before, off the southern coast of Java, there was a quake that started a Tsunami that killed 700 people! My friend Anderson, whom I stayed with, failed to mention any of these events. Indonesia is one of those countries that has a currency that goes into the millions much like the Italian Lira once did. Changing a 1000 Ringgit gave you 2.5 million Rupiah. You could literally roll around in money and imagine it was U.S dollars, just for kicks. It took some getting use to, buying a can of Coke for 5000 Rupiahs and not freaking out. Fun.

Then of course there is the traffic. A two hour drive from Jakarta East to Jakarta West is not uncommon. Imagine 2 lanes with 6 cars trying to squeeze through. Heards of Wilderbeasts come to mind. Its a game of death. Drivers seem to set the car in the general direction they want to go, close their eyes and floor it. Honk the horn all the way and try to avoid the motorcyclists. The level of skill involved is immense. Yoda would be proud as you use 'The Force'. You need to know your way around as road signs are not high on the govenments to-do-list. Just a side note, in five days, I saw 3 accidents, involving motorbikes hitting cars or vice versa, all fatal. Again, with that high a population, Indonesia can afford to lose a few. Boo.

This is truly a bizarre place. The city is littered with statues and fountains commemorating who knows what. Speaking of litter, its not the cleanest of cities. I guess you can't blame them, I mean, with 14 million people, that is a lot of shit that gets flushed down toilets. I notice that the color of water in the sewage and river canals were black. I mean Black as in so damn dirty that its reached the end of the color spectrum. Yummy. Imagine falling into that, I think if you don't die of god-knows-what-disease, you'd die of the shear shock of being in such filth.

Then there's the safety issue. Everywhere you look, you were constantly reminded of the riots and bombings that occurred. Many residential areas have high fences with security guards posted at the entrances. Heck, I even had to go through a metal detector at McDonalds. Them Big Macs ain't that good! No quarter pounders by the way. Everyone seems to order the Chicken meal with rice. Rice, you want rice go stay in the paddy fields.

Jakarta has its very own Disneyland right smack in the city called Dufan. Its quite interesting to see how they copy Disneyland and come close to breaking copyright laws. You can clearly see that the mascot is based on one of the dwarves from Snow White but with a bigger nose and a cap. Whoopee! The song 'Its a small world after all' had just enough changes in the notes to be annoyingly different. The water ride looked curiously similar to the Log ride at Disney. Get this, at the souvenir shop, you can buy hideous Halloween masks like the mask from Scream and Night of the Living Dead. What the hell? Yup... Hell.

Overall, I did enjoy my stay there. The shopping was good. The local female talent was decent. The people when not angry with the Chinese, were friendly, hospitable and helpful. My visit to the Flower Gardens at Puncak (Peak Mountain) was very relaxing. I love the fact that you can bribe a policeman to move street vendors so that you can park your car. Well done Prince Ando! Jakarta as a city, is shit. Too many people. Too big a gap between rich and poor. Too damn dirty. But Indonesia as a country, has so much to offer. Bali for instance is prime example. Bali incidentally is where Australians go when they 'Go overseas'. And of course Indonesian workers. They'll do anything for so little money, but it is far more money than what they would get in their own country. Is no wonder they flock overseas for work when the alternative is a card board box under the bridge. They are in fact, the back bone of the labor force in Malaysia, without the Indons, we'd be screwed. Who's gonna wash the dishes and tap our rubber trees? We certainly won't.

I recommend a visit. Jakarta...... so crazy, you love it.

Have you ever notice how Chinese people......

1. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people always ask for the receipt, so they can try and 'claim' it as an expense with the company?

2. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people will always try to the get 'the most' out of their money?

3. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people will be the first in line in any queue and always try to cut the queue if there not?

4. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people never take responsibility for their mistakes and will almost always blame someone else?

5. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people will continue to speak their own ching-chong language amongst themselves around other races?

6. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people don't care that they are rude simple because they don't know or worse yet not bother learning as they think its a waste of time?

7. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people send their kids to school as soon as possible so as they don't 'lose out' in society?

8. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people don't think 'under table' money is wrong and has nothing to do with business ethics or worse, not know what is business ethics?

9. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people have built a culture around the pursuit of their own wealth and happiness and nothing else?

10. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people don't understand you when you speak perfectly good English and thus you have to resort to speaking in a hybrid English mixed with 'ah's' and 'aiyaaa's' for then to understand you?

11. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people care what number things are, for example like the number of their vehicle license plate because the number 8 means 'wealth' and thus cost more than say number 5 and so they will pay to have it because it prestigious or brings them properity?

12. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people are always right? Just ask them.

13. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people have a relative that has done better than anyone successful you mention to them?

14. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people carry more than 2 mobile phones?

15. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people are the ones that don't turn off their phones in the cinema and are the ones who actually have the audacity to answer it?

16. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people in a 'sale', will rush to grab everything regardless if they want it or not?

17. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people are the ones that know where and how to get free stuff?

18. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people will try to abuse a 'money back guarantee' or any 'guarantee' for that matter?

19. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people have all the good jobs and its almost impossible to get a job in a Chinese dominated company if you are not Chinese, and if you do get in, its almost certainly a position of low importance with almost no chance for advancement and low pay?

20. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people make stuff up like 'feng shui' and then charge people money for their 'feng shui' services by tell them to put mirrors and lion statues in a the corner of the house? on an angle? facing north? next to the fish pond that the chinaman's cousin can conveniently supply?

21. Have you ever noticed how Chinese people ........... shit, I've reached 20 without even breaking a sweat!

If you are offended by some of my observations, then you are most certainly Chinese. These are 'questions' that I am posing, to spark debate. Seeing as you probably don't fully understand English, its no wonder you are getting upset. Do yourself a favor and chill out. What the hell are you reading blogs anyway? Shouldn't you be out there trying to make your dollar for the day? I'm sure you must be thinking, "Wah!, this guy too much ah, who da hell he think he is?" "I also want to start my own blog so I can get back at him!"

You are so typical, it makes me want to cry.

Go eat a Pork spring roll.

Growing Older

This is the last week I will be 30. As of the 15th, I will turn 31. That's 3 decades that I have been wondering around on this planet. Holy shit, it kinda just crept on me didn't it? Where did the last 30 years go? Hang on while I turn down my Culture Club Greatest Hits CD. Over the weekend I played in a 'Veterans' soccer league game. 'Veteran'.. as in, decrepit old man. As in, 'too decrepit' to play in normal soccer league filled by energetic zit faced 18 year olds. As in, kids call me 'Uncle' at the mall. Sometimes when I'm getting dressed to go out, I put on a baggy 'G-Unit' T-shirt, shorts that go past my knees and a bright red baseball cap, and wonder if I'm told old to pull off this look. Some people say if have to ask, then you are! I still play video games, I still have my Star Wars X-Wing toys. I still watch cartoons for gods sake! I think back to when my father was 30, I wonder, did he do the same stuff? Probably not. I guess those were different times... Some people think I should act my age. What the hell does that mean? I don't have the slightest idea.... I go with the flow. If I feel like farting at a dinner party, then I will. Not because I am rude, but just because I can. As an adult, a 31 year old adult, who is going to tell me off? Adolescent behavior you may say.... I say, if not now, then when? This weekend I will throw myself a big ass BBQ. Fire up the grill and cook copious amounts of red meat. Call my friends over, eat, get full and fart. Tell jokes, talk about how the government sucks and make fun of Chinese people, play Winning Eleven 9 on the X-Box, and have a blast. Because I can. And so..... I will. Bitch!

Conjunctivitis - The Pink Eye Extravaganza

For the past 2 weeks I've had the pleasure of experiencing one of life's oddities. The loving condition known as Conjunctivitis. Conjunctivitis, commonly known as pink eye, is an infection of the conjunctiva (the outer-most layer of the eye that covers the sclera). The three most common types of conjunctivitis are: viral, allergic, and bacterial. Each requires different treatments. With the exception of the allergic type, conjunctivitis is typically contagious. In my case I was the winner of the bacterial version. For the past week I've been dropping drops in my eye like the proverbial rain. Only to be told by the eye specialist that over-dropping of drops will make it worse. He tells me this condition effects people in different ways and I must let it run its course. 100 bucks consultation fees down the tube for advise that a dead rabbit can give me. Coincidentally, I contracted this Pink eye from my son who also took a week to heal and now my wife has it as well. Yea! I wish I could rip out eyes, use sand paper to sand away the grime and then rinse them out in anti-bacterial acid. Instead, every morning I'm greeted with sticky gooey crap on my eye lids that seem to effectively glue my eyelids shut. I look in the mirror every morning and feel like one of those Japanese animated creatures that have red eyes and rape school girls with a giant tentacle penis. That, however, isn't such a bad thing now is it???

Rooney sees RED and out goes England

What the hell? FIFA, you have lost the plot. SERIOUSLY.. YOU HAVE.

Sat July 1, 4:49 PM ET

GELSENKIRCHEN (Reuters) - Mystery surrounded the dismissal of England striker Wayne Rooney in Saturday's quarter-final loss to Portugal with senior FIFA officials unsure why Argentine referee Horacio Elizondo showed him the red card. FIFA officials were surprised by the sending off and said they had not yet been informed of the reason by the referee. The England forward appeared to be pulled back by Carvalho while at the same time Figo wrapped his legs around Rooney who then seemed to tread on his opponent's groin as he tried to disentangle his leg, but with no malicious intent. Carvalho's reaction prompted Portugal winger Cristiano Ronaldo to sprint some 40 meters to the referee, apparently to demand a card against Rooney who pushed him and was sent off. Television pictures appeared to show Ronaldo winking toward the Portugal bench as Rooney made his way off the pitch.

And that's about it. With that, England hold out for a goaless draw after extra time and lose the penalty shoot out. Only man-of-the-match Owen Hargraves scored as the freakish Portugal goalie saving all other attempts. Its quite a shame because Brazil later lose to France 1-0 and a England vs France semi-final would have been optimal. This truly was England's best chance of going all the way. I don't know how else to explain these strange events, my take on this is gambling is a billion dollar industry and the bookies rule the world. What's a couple of million to them to pay off the officials? Wouldn't you send off Rooney for a million bucks on a half ass excuse knowing full well that referees don't have to explain their actions? Winner?.... bookies... loser.?...... everybody else.