The Man Rules

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally,the guys' side of the story.
(must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules"
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1.    Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.    Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1.    Crying is blackmail.

1.    Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1.    Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.    Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1.    Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1.    If you think you're fat, you probably are..
Don't ask us.

1.    If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1.    You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1.    Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1.    Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1.    ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1.    If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1.    If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1.    If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1.    When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine..Really

1.    Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FOOTBALL or

motor sports

1.    You have enough clothes.

1.    You have too many shoes.

1.    I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1.    Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Photoshop Tennis Match 2 (after 14 rounds)

Photoshop is a wonderful thing. Thank god for illegal copies here in Asia, otherwise I would have to fork out thousands, like the rest of the world. Moving on, here we have match 2 of Simon and Ozi's Photoshop Tennis grand-slam extravaganza. This new starting image chosen by Simon poses a whole new set of challenges. First of, its a smaller image. Second, its an image with minimal depth. Third, its littered with little lighting and Gaussian blur "potholes" to fall into. I look forward to this one. I will edit the paragraph below to tell you of the changes made in each round. I'll try and make it as interesting a read for those who read this after the match is over.

Simon starts by adding a the image from Match 1 into one of the frames. I then do the same by inserting a production snap shot of our student film made in 1998 called Bloody Hell 2. Simon then made the freak from The Ring crawl out of another painting. That's plain creepy. Then Thundercats to the rescue. Look! its the idol from Indiana Jones up for grabs. In round 6, I kill Spongebob. Do you remember Ghostbusters 2? Well there is Vigo the painting. In round 8, I think we need more awareness about Tigers. See if you can spot more things we've added on after 14 rounds. I really love this game. Can't wait for match 3!

Click to enlarge.

Photoshop Tennis (updated after Round 22)

First and foremost, Happy New Year. Just the other day, I was talking to my fellow blogger, Mr Shoddy Simon, and I was telling him how uninspired I was to write on my blog these days. So, the ingenious Beef recommended I focus my blog around stuff I do with Photoshop. I agree.

And so we start 2010 with a game of Photoshop Tennis. Its a game where you start with one image and then using Photoshop (obviously) you add something and then send it to the other person. Then he adds something and sends it back. I guess if you want to waste time, do it creatively. For this we used a nice image of Venice, Italy, at night.

click to enlarge

This is what we have after 20 rounds. Simon started with the guy in the sleeping bag. Then I put in Ariel from the Little Mermaid. Then Simon put in Batman and the Bat signal. I've put in Freddy Kruger. Then Simon put a man on fire and I called in King Kong. Simon felt we needed some security with ED 209 and I think The Dark Side of the force can help. In round 8, Simon made Dr. Zoidberg float on water of which I replied with the Alien from Aliens. Round 10 and 11 sees Simon adding the two grumpy old men from the Muppets and me adding Gemma Atkinson, because whenever possible, you must have Gemma in any picture. The ghost of Michael Jackson's past haunts us and I just realized we need a soft drink sponsor. Round 15-16, Godzilla thinks its Japan and Spiderman is wondering about the guy in the sleeping bag. Oh look its the Skeckies from Dark Crystal and I like Stewie Griffin. Round 19-20 sees Simon open a Porky's branch while I help some Philippine kids escape a flooded waters. And finally, a caterpillar and a gymnast completes the picture.

I must say this Background image of Venice at night is mighty tough. Simon will post his addition on The Shoddy Blog. Let see what madness we can come up with!

End of Year Blog

Hello boys and girls. I've been a few months since I've written anything. Low and behold, 2009 came and went. I blame Facebook and Twitter. With constant status updates and being concise all the time, this makes no room for long winded blogging. But that's not an excuse, I'm just lazy.

I wanna look back at 2009 and give my review, but alas, it was all a blur. It was that kind of year to be honest. Lacklustre and forgettable. So lets just leave it at that and move on. Bring on 2010. One year closer to 2011. I haven't seen the movie yet, but they says its crap. So maybe I wont. Why would I want to scare myself silly? Let the end of the world come... whenever that maybe.

So here is a list of things of things to look forward to:-

1. .................................................... nah.... fuck it..... I aint making a list.

Merry X'mas and Happy New Year.

Everyone can go ahead and lick my balls! (here is the accompanying logo)

Baby Einstein - Plug your baby in

We live in the year 2009. We are surrounded by technology. Parenting has definitely changed over past 20 years. As kid, my 'TV time' was always restricted by my parents. It was a time were books were more timely than the internet, in fact, there was no internet in the 80s.

Today, I use technology in everything and that includes parenting. My first born is now 6 years old. Ever since he was born, I exposed him to technology. Everything from the cell phone to the personal computer, I made sure he was familiar to it all. Now he can switch on my entertainment system, google stuff, and I've been told that his conversational skills are far beyond the average 6 year-old. He is articulate and expressive. We are very proud of him.

The secret? Plug your plug your child into Baby Einstein. Over a decade ago, Baby Einstein was founded by Julie Clark, a mom who wanted to share her love of humanities with her baby. Her intent was to create products that offered interactive experiences for her and her daughter to discover the world together. Products are designed to encourage discovery and inspire new ways for parents and little ones to interact.

All Baby Einstein products, including its video line, are designed as interactive tools for parents to use with their babies. Since the debut of the very first title, Baby Einstein videos/DVDs were developed with the idea of creating a “digital board book,” allowing a parent to have two free hands while enjoying and experiencing the video with their little one – leaving their hands free to clap, point to objects and interact with their baby. parents/caregivers play a critical role in defining the “appropriate use of television.” The Baby Einstein Company has built its reputation on creating developmentally appropriate content that parents/caregivers know they can trust to use with their little ones.

A recent study from Harvard University on the issue of screen time for infants concludes the following:

* TV viewing for infants is not harmful.
* Content matters.
* TV viewing in infancy is not associated with language or visual motor skills at age 3.
* TV viewing in and of itself does not influence babies’ brain development – maternal, child and household characteristics are more influential to a child's brain development.

Ever morning since my son was 1, We would watch one Baby Einstein program with him. And today, my daughter is going through the same. I like to think of it as Early Childhood Development TV Foundation Regime Program or ECDTVFRP for short. Judging from my son's development of the past 6 years, I know we made the right decision in adopting this method. Remember, you decide the amount and what your baby is exposed to. Interactivity is key.

So there you go. Good luck

Isla Fisher vs Amy Adams

Is it just me or does Amy Adams and Isla Fisher look alike? I was watching "Definitely, Maybe" earlier today and I noticed that Isla Fisher reminded me of Amy Adams (Enchanted). I did a little internet search and found that Isla will be starring in the upcoming movie "Confessions Of A Shopaholic" and realized that I thought she was Amy when I saw the trailer on television. It's really confusing - especially when they both sport curls. And if you haven't figured it out yet, that's Isla on the left and Amy on the right.

My mandatory Birthday Entry

The year is 2009. The month, July. The day, 15th. Now I'm officially an old, decrepit, silly, tubbier, old, grumpy old man. And did I mention 'Old'? I've now lived on this excuse for a planet for 34 years now. That's 3 and a bit decades of piss farting around. Well now, I say bring on the next 3 decades for more of the same.

I have lots to be grateful for. We have a new addition to the family is the form of little Eva Zahara. My beautiful petite little gem that is full of spirit and spunk. I fear that one day she will break my heart with random acts of rebellious behavior. One can only hope that the early childhood education will be sufficient enough to mold her into a useful and contributing individual to society when she grows up. Somehow I have a strange feeling that all the stuff I did when I was single is going to come back and haunt me it the form of my daughter. All I can do it prey. I love my little 'Punya' none the less.

My son Hakeem who is now 6 years old and doesn't stop talking. He can actually hold a conversation like an adult. You can reason with him now and sometimes he tries to find loopholes and argue with you. Just like me! ehehhe I'm so proud of him. He can also read and write now. This is both good and bad. Bad because its only a matter of time before he figures out to type 'boob' in Google and thus begins a parents nightmare. At the moment he Googles 'Ultraman' and 'Tom and Jerry'. I fear the day he finds The Adventures of UltraCockman and His Gay Buddies Tom and Jerry. Oh the horror! I remember in the eighties how hard it was to find a naked anything let alone porn. Nowadays, porn is only but a 'double-click' away. Thanks Internet.

My wife Azhani. My partner. My friend. Truly without her, I would have nothing. Or more like without her, life would have little meaning. Sure I enjoy the occasional outings with the The Boys. And for sure we have our disagreements, But I can tell you, I would be lost without her. Through think and thin, we will make it 'Kets'. I promise. Love you.

My mother is a Facebook nut and I honestly have myself to blame for setting up her account. Now she has 5 million in Texas Hold' Em money. I keep telling her, 'Its not real'. Oh crap. My two sisters are flying in there careers and my brother Adam is doing well at his new job as web developer/project manager or something. I must thank them, especially Nini, for helping our mother out of her financial meltdown. With everyone chipping in, we can make it through.

In the past 12 months, I've been traveling quite a bit. I've almost been to every Asian country there is. This is quite a feat seeing as I don't particularly like being away from home. Its not so bad I am only away one week at a time. Career wise, its been up and down. We can all thank the current economic down turn for shit we are going through. I would like to see a little more stability in this area of my life. I hoping the latter part of this year will bring some good news.

I've been fighting my temptation to buy a BlackBerry but I fear my resilience is coming to an end. With most of my friends and family on it, And with the inclusion of Twitter, I think its time. I know that once I'm on, I won't look back. This year I also bought a motorcycle. My wife thinks I'm going through a mid-life crisis. Have I reached mid-life? I think not. But lets not put a label to it.

My birthday consisted on one cake at work and one seafood dinner with family and friends. And another cake. No presents. And I help pay for the dinner. I think it was a fitting birthday-day. Overall, even though I tried to start out this entry all morose and mellow dramatic, now at the end of it, come to think of it, I am happy. Sure, things can be better and sure I wouldn't mind a little more extra money, in all honestly, my life doesn't suck. And for that everyday I thank Allah for all that he has given me.

And last but not least.. as always, I give myself some birthday boobs to look at. I figure my son hasn't been to my blog yet. I figure I better put up whatever I like before I have to start our home censorship board. I do feel my time of reckless blogging is coming to an end. Anyway, Did anyone catch Simona Halep at Wimbledon this year? She is my new favourite Tennis player. Happy Birthday Ozi.

Read this.

TENNIS babe Simona Halep is to undergo surgery - to shrink her 34DD bouncers.

The 17-year-old claims they are a disadvantage and has vowed to have a reduction later this year. She declared: "The breasts make me uncomfortable when I play.

"It's the weight that troubles me - my ability to react quickly."

Fans of the 5ft 5in Romanian - ranked 317th in the world and hoping to play at Wimbledon - last night flocked to sign an online petition: Save Simona Halep Boobs.

One stormed: "It will be a crime against nature."

Oh the horror of breast reduction........ peace out.