Cut the crap, who cares?

I just want to say that I have been totally uninspired to write anything. Lately, nothing has made me mad enough or happy enough to write anything of importance. I honestly wonder if anyone still reads this blog... let alone care. Monkey balls.

A poem comes to mind. A composition of mindless and silly bunch of words I can string together.

Blogging, Blogging,
Smoggling, Smoggling,
Oh what a waste of time this is,
I wish I were a shoe.

Typing, Typing,
Sleeping, Slapping,
Oh look how the rain drops gloom this day,
I wish I were a zit.

How deep is you love?
How deep is your anus?
How shallow are armpits?
How shallow are the puddles of pee in the school yard?

Crapping, Crapping,
Shitting, Slapping,
Oh how the crap is never round,
I wish I were a toilet brush.

Stab me, poke me,
Wake me, Slap me,
I feel the future near,
I fear the future here,
I wish I were a million bucks.

And thats about it...
Untill I get inspired next.
Untill I get my ass in check.

I'm out.

The Financial Crisis – The Worst Is Yet To Come

Dear Friends,
A friend sent me the following article.Thought you would like to know.

The Financial Crisis – The Worst Is Yet To Come

A guru once told me that for most people, it is easier to accept and believe a lie than Truth. To accept truth is to accept a paradigm shift – a shift that challenges our perception, our comfort zone and the harsh rejection of a false reality for which we have been entombed.

Why do we allow ourselves to be lulled into a state of mind whereby we accept uncritically the propaganda by the financial elites in the mass media?

1. There is so much information out there that it is just impossible to check and verify each and every bit of information. So we take the easy way out and assume that they are correct and verifiable.

2. Thinking is hard work and we don't seem to have the time to think things through.

And that is why it is so easy to subdue the masses through propaganda. Anyone who challenges the official line will be demonized and labeled a pariah. It is just not worth the effort. Our mind ceases to function.

Try this exercise. In a normal working day, from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed, how many hours do you actually devote to thinking about issues that affect your life and your family?
Less than fifteen minutes!
In this article I would like to invite you to think critically about certain issues which will enable you to see through the lies and propaganda of the financial elites concerning the current global financial crisis.
For the purposes of this exercise, I will use the headlines of leading international newspapers.

First Headline:
New York Times Sunday 16th March 2008: "JPMorgan Chase Says It Will Acquire Bear Stearns for $2 a Share."

The week preceding the sale of Bear Stearns, its shares were quoted at US$60 per share. The sale of Bear Stearns was broadcasted by all the major international news agencies. This was followed by the Fed's announcement on 18th March 2008, that it had reduced its target for the Federal Fund Rate 75 basis points to 2-1/4 percent.
The Dow went wild and rose over 400 points.
The official line then went out – The crisis is contained, the worst is over. The Market will rally. The good old days are back!

Please consider my reaction. "This is baloney! Horseshit and bullshit. If you are still in the market, take whatever gains and get out of the market!"

Let me now take you through my thinking process and show you how I arrived at my conclusions.

Step 1: I did a research of the price of Bear Stearns in the 4th quarter of 2007. It was quoted at US$180 per share. In early 2008, it went down to US$80. In early March, it plummeted to US$60 and just before the sale it was US$27.

Yet, JP Morgan Chase bought Bear Stearns for US$2 per share, paying approximately US$250 million.

Step 2: Further research showed that the HQ building was worth at least US1 billion. Therefore, Bear Stearns' liabilities must be horrendous and taking everything into consideration, the quoted price of US$27 on Friday, 14th March 2008 was either overvalued or JP Morgan took advantage of the situation to demand from the Fed, as a condition for taking over Bear Stearns, that it must be at bargain basement price.

Step 3: Given this scenario of a leading global investment bank in such dire situation, how can anyone trust the valuations of the other global banks that are equally exposed to the toxic wastes of sub-prime mortgages, CDOs, CLOs, CDSs etc.

Step 4: The deal was structured and finalized between the Fed, JP Morgan Chase and Bear Stearns on Sunday, 16th March 2008. There can be only one conclusion – such drastic and rapid intervention by the Fed on Sunday is to prevent the total collapse of Bear Stearns before the opening bell on Monday. This back room deal stinks!

Bear Stearns is therefore insolvent, bankrupt in layman's terms.

Yet prior to this collapse, financial analysts of leading financial newspapers and brokerage houses were giving clients the "buy" signal. So does it make any sense to rely on such advice without thinking through?

There is no such thing as a "free market". It is only "free" for the big boys of Wall Street to make money out of suckers, and should the market turn against them the Central Banks are "free" to intervene to bail them out at the expense of the small guys! This is the stark reality in every major depression and recession in the last century. The coming depression will be no exception. People will put up with this nonsense and rip-off and allow the fat cats to get away with this massive fraud and wealth transfer.

Second Headline:

Thomson Financial -12th March 2008

"The International Monetary Fund (IMF) today warned authorities worldwide to 'think the unthinkable' in planning to cope with a mounting crisis in the global financial system."

Given this warning by none other than the IMF, why are people still debating whether there is a global financial crisis? Why is our government insisting that Malaysia will not be affected by this mess? Why are people accepting President Bush's assessment that here is no recession in the US?

Once again, let's go through the thinking process.

What can be the "Unthinkable" referred to in the above quote?

Why is the IMF avoiding the use of the word "Depression"?

Therefore, to think the unthinkable is to adopt a paradigm shift, to prepare for the worst scenario. Yet, there are people who refuse to accept this reality. It is just mind boggling.

Those of you who have followed my "Red Alerts" since last year but refused to accept my prognosis will have to reckon with the IMF assessment, albeit nine months behind the curve!

The IMF has now wised up to reality and is taking corrective measures. I suggest that you prepare yourself for the coming financial Tsunami.

An Intro to "Healthy" Living

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain = Good !

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

The E! Channel is starting to irritate me

When Astro (Malaysia's only satellite T.V provider) announced that they will be adding the E! Channel, I was very excited. Celebrity and Entertainment news 24 hours a day? , "Woohoo!" I screamed. After a few months, I must say the novelty has worn off. I find myself getting extremely irritated by the 'up beat-ness' of it all. I mean seriously, how excited can you be that Brittney has finally found some time to see her children!? Then again, why the hell do we care? I blame the E! Channel for making it news to begin with. To hell with Britney, Paris, Lindsey and whoever else. But I'm getting a little side tracked here, my beef is with the E! Channel and those irritating fuckers on 'The Daily Ten'.

Ryan Seacrest, Giuliana Dipandi Rancic, Debbie Matenopoulos, Catt Sadler and Sal Masekela are all astronomically irritating. From the sound of their voices to the their 'up-beat' style, they have collectively put me off watching the E! Channel all together. Maybe its the excessive repeats or maybe its the content, but all I know is, if I see the channel is on, I change it or switch the T.V off! In my house, the other inhabitants insist on keeping the E! Channel on even if no one is watching. As if, the sudden news of Heath Ledger's untimely demise has any bearing on their lives. Not to mention the numerous follow up investigation specials on why he took his life. Bah!

Oh lets not forget, the recent Academy Awards (or any other excuse for celebrities to get together) and how the E! Channel basks in the glory of its godly know-it-all attitude. "Oh look, she is wearing green, that's was sooooo last season, but we love the shoes!" Two hours of red carpet pre-Oscars bullshit and then of course the countless post-Oscars crap. Dissecting everything to who wore what and why. Who arrived with who and said what. Who got sad to who was the most drunk. Utter utter nonsense.

Its funny, if you watch too much E!, you find yourself becoming more and more stupid. Seriously, you will feel as if your brain is melting. If you don't believe me, try it. I give you just 30 minutes, and you will know what I'm talking about here. I think if you want to torture someone, lock them up in a room, tie them down to a wooden chair, have them watch repeats of the Daily Ten with the sound blasting loudly. Ryan Seacrest's voice will bounce around in you head until you die, like it has throughout me writing this........ I have to stop now.

Coca Cola The Miracle Solution

Here now... a word from our sponsors.

DID YOU KNOW THAT COCA COLA HAS SO MANY OTHER APPLICATIONS?

1. In the United States of America, the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the 'real thing' sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

ADDITIONAL USEFUL INFORMATION:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) the commercial trucks must use a hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean engines of the trucks for about 20 years

..emmmm................................. I feel a little thirsty...... I think I'll have........ a Coke.

(source :- forwarded email from Daryl Sui ..thanks Daryl!)

Lord of the Dumb Ass Ring

2007 was a really crap year for movies. Apart from '300' and 'The Transformers Movie', the rest were somewhat forgettable and did not live up to expectation. Even with the plethora of pirated DVDs on offer here, I find myself uninspired to purchase new movies, even at these rediculously low prices. So, in my boredom, I recently completed watching the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Over 3 days mind you, I'm not crazy enough to watch it back to back, that is a 10 hour ordeal! Now this brings me to my post.

After watching it again, I have one question. Why the hell didn't Gandalf the all knowing git, simply get the damn giant Eagles to fly Frodo to the mountain of Mordor to begin with? Or for that matter, fly HIMSELF to the mountain! I see no reason to drag these four borderline-gay-Hobbits through hell and back, when all Gandalf had to do was to carry the Ring himself to mountain and destroy it. In 'The Two Towers' Gandalf had the power to summon the Eagles to his rescue (via the help from a Butterfly don't forget). So he could have easily called for them at the meeting of the Fellowship at the start of the first movie. Total time? One hour at the most, Sauron and his massive army..... dead. Problem solved.

If you argue that Gandalf would not be able to withstand the Ring's evil pull, I say, he sure didn't have a problem with the Saruman magic-eye-orb thing that he simply covered with a towel. In any case don't tell me he can't resist the Ring for one hour of flying time? He doesn't have to wear it round his neck.. just wrap it up in his towel. Done.

If you argue that the evil flying Nazgol will stop the Eagles, I say, it was the Eagles that came to the rescue to kill them at the end of 'Return of the King'. Moreover, with Gandalf riding the Eagle, his magic staff would emit that blinding light that the Nazgol is afraid off (as seen in 'Return of the King' also). So fly in, drop ring in lava, go home and celebrate.

Instead, 10 hours of movie, Frodo almost killing himself, Golumn the nut, mountains, trolls, massive battles, and lets not forget the fact that it took Frodo and pals 12 months to go and come home. Poor bastards.

I'm only writing as I feel kind of cheated in a way, because even the author, after all the hardship indured to destroy the ring, J.R.R Tolkien then simply wrote, "...and Gandalf rescued Frodo and Sam from the mountain with the help of the Eagles", which to me, was him being fed-up and just wanted to wrap up his book after writing pages and pages of shit.

My Top 10 Favourite Disney Women of All Time

Its that time again for another Top 10 list. This time we look at the magical world of Disney. You may have seen this list before while randomly surfing the net, and so I just thought I'd might as well do mine. My right of passage to the Internet gods perhaps? Anyway, the beauty about these pixel based women, is they never grow old and will always look as pristine as the day they were drawn. One sick thing about this, is also the fact that now, my father, my son and I may share the same lustful view of them and its perfectly fine!
This list will not include animal-type characters like Duchess from 'Aristocats' or Feline from 'Bambi' as that too might be a little too far! Even for me. No doubt they are worthy of being on this list for other reasons of course, mind you. I will start with number 10 and work my way to my all time favourite. I hope you agree with my selection. If not, let me know in the comments section. I love to hear from you. So here we go!

Number 10:- Ariel from 'The Little Mermaid'

I know I said no animal-types but come on, she is at least half human. Don't forget, she does turn into full human at the end of the movie, so no worries. Perhaps underage at the time of the film, but I like to imagine that by 2008, she's all grown up and mature. Definately smoking hot as she wears nothing but sea shells the whole time and that firey carefree personality is always going to be a hit at parties. Also, she is perpetually wet, so thats got to be good, right?

Number 9:- Pocahontas from 'Pocahontas'

Poke a hont's ass... Ah yes, the blood of the true American woman. There is something very sexy about that untamed, wild and hot native american woman. Naive in the ways of western love, these women await to be conquered. I wasn't to keen on this movie however. The only other good thing to have come out of this film is the Vanessa William's song 'Colors of the Wind'. Oh and did I mention I love that long black silky smooth hair, worthy of any Shampoo T.V ad. I imagine she smells nice for some reason, although there was no soap at the time, I'm sure those native Indians had some other natural alternative, like crushed berries and Bison milk or something.

Number 8:- Giselle from 'Enchanted'

Honestly, I prefer the animated Giselle rather than the actress who portrays her in human form, Amy Adams. Some how that red haired freckled face tart just doesn't quite live up to my expectation of a Disney princess. Since 'Enchanted' was released in 2007, Giselle is suppose to epitomize a "Disney Woman", encompassing all of the previous princesses characteristics like Cinderella and Snow White. Somehow I feel no actress would adequately fill these massive shoes and do this role justice. Suffice to say that we should leave fantasy where it belongs, in the fantasy world.

Number 7:- Megara from 'Hercules'

From Greek mythology times, the term 'goddess' never been more appropriate until now. Megara truly is a stunner. She wears, what has to be the softest cotton outfit ever made. The lightest of breezes would undress her. Strong, sexy and able to tame Hercules himself. Makes one wonder if any mere mortal would be man enough for such a woman. Hercules was invited by Zeus to live in Olympus, which was indeed originally his wish, but he decides to live his life on earth as a mortal with Megara. Although he will eventually die, he believes that even an immortal life without Megara would be empty. Enough said.

Number 6:- Jane from 'Tarzan'

Jane just screams hotness. You've got to love the tie and white gloves. Prim, proper and British what more do you want. One concern of course is the fact that she digs the swinging Orangutan type of a man. She likes her man raw and wild. Perhaps she thinks she can tame him or perhaps she is looking to unleash her inner whore-ness through wild animal sex with a sexual beast like Tarzan. We hope for the latter.

Number 5:- Babette/Fifi from 'Beauty and the Beast'

The feather duster from 'Beauty and the Beast' is a minor character with a distinct personality. She is alluring and prissy, can make shallow choices, but has a caring heart. Her animation design is cute and her voicing is tres French. Now for the pressing question...what is her name? In the sequels, she is Fi-Fi, in the musical, she is Babette! Or...are they twins?!? Babette/Fi-Fi in a word is FEMININE. Her famous line from the movie, "Oh, Lumiere, we must do somezing!". French chamber maid? Clean my sheets when I done.

Number 4:- Esmerelda from 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'

She's a firecracker with social consciences. And boy can she dance! But...what's up with her and that goat? I don't know if the fact that Esmerelda voice was done by Demi Moore or that Demi had just finish making the movie Striptease, but I can tell you her dance moves with a pole was all the rage. Those green eyes and that intense gypsy sexual energy is all I care about. Oh lets not forget that she can tolerate that irritating singing Hunchback. Thank god she doesn't fall for him, then she would be one of those sick, mental chicks and we wouldn't want that to happen.

Number 3:- Aurora from 'Sleeping Beauty'

Aurora, my first love. I think, 'Sleeping Beauty' was the first Disney movie I saw. Princess Aurora is named after the Roman goddess of the dawn "because she fills her father and mother's lives with sunshine." A very beautiful young woman, with shining blond hair, rose-red lips, attractive eyes, and a beautiful singing voice. Here is a tip, if you want a man to wake you with a kiss, go to sleep in full make up and hold a rose.

Number 2:- Jessica Rabbit from 'Who framed Roger Rabbit?'

Although it was made by the Disney studio, the film was released under the Disney subsidiary Touchstone Pictures to save face for Disney, from some of the film's potentially objectionable content.

I think I can safely say, Jessica Rabbit is simply too much woman for any man. Period. I guess thats why she is with a rabbit. A crazy one at that. Only a rabbit would be able to satisfy a woman like Jessica. Ever here the term 'hump like rabbits'? Just look at that hair, those lips and of course those gravity defying boobs all make for one hell of a super woman. Kathleen Turner's husky voice did this pixel vixen justice as you can imagine yourself losing control of your man juice as she calls you over to her side of the bed for a hug. If you even get that far that is.

AND FINALLY

Number 1:- Belle from 'Beauty and the Beast'

My all time, all favorite, all lovely number one pick... Belle. From the first scene where she sings about the baker and his tray, I was hooked. Lets see, she is a brunette, she's European, she is smart, she likes to read, she has a wild imagination, she would do anything to for her father and most of all, she does not fall for the idiot jock. She likes you for who you are on the inside. She does not care about how you look, only that you are kind and decent to her. Women like Belle are few and far in between, and if you find one, you should hang on the her like the Ring from 'Lord of the Rings'. Although innocent in the ways of love, she seemed not at phased of the prospect of being mounted by her half man half wilder beast boyfriend, now THAT is a woman. Oh so lovely Belle.